In the Garden
by sarahsammom
Summary: This is just an idea that has been kicking around in my head ever since I found out there are people out there who actually think Garcia belongs with someone other than Derek Morgan. Seriously right? Story as a whole is Rated T Any chapters containing any Sexual Situations will be clearly marked. Reviews dearly NEEDED. good or bad please.** Of course, I do not own Criminal Minds
1. Chapter 1

The gathering was truly ending now, only a few stragglers remained in groups dotting the tables that had been set up on the grounds of David Rossi's home. The closest of David's friends would remain long into the night but for now, even they had dispersed into the remainder of these little groups, hugging goodbyes, and sharing last remembrances.

Somehow, Derek Morgan had managed to get sucked into one of these circles, only half knowing the people around him. He had been polite and made conversation, until he noticed his baby girl had somehow slipped away from him. He understood her needing a moment alone, Garcia didn't like to shed tears in front of her friends, she always wanted to be their little light, no matter how much pain she was really feeling inside.

Scanning the surroundings, he could not locate her which immediately put him on edge. He needed her beside him. Today, as always she was his strength. Making his apologies, he stepped from the group and set off to find her.

Rounding a corner Derek saw her. She was in the statue garden on the far side of the house. She looked so sad, alone with the beautiful Italian marble statues that David chose to accent the gardens of his estate, that Derek quickened his steps to reach her. It was only as he rounded the last corner to reach her that he realized she was no alone.

"No one so beautiful should ever look so sad", he heard her companion say.

"Aaron", he heard Garcia reply, in a light, teasing, oh-you-shouldn't have, kind of voice.

Derek wasn't really sure if it was the tone or simply the word 'Aaron' that had caused him to stop in his tracks. He had heard Penelope Garcia use that tone with men, millions of times in the nine years he had known her but he had never, not once in all that time, ever, heard her call Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner by his first name. Something about that made him unable to resist observing them for just a moment more before he would step forward and make his presence known.

"Where's Beth?" Penelope asked.

"She left; she has to be back in New York for work in the morning. I offered to drive her to the airport but she insisted I stay where I'm needed," Aaron explained.

"I like her. She makes you smile, in your eyes, the way you should" Penelope said.

"I'm glad you like her, I like her too" Aaron pause befor continuing, "I'm glad it doesn't make you uncomfortable that I bring her to things", He said.

"Oh no, no Aaron, of course it doesn't, she makes you happy. Of course she should be part of everything."

"Good" Aaron said. "Beth doesn't know, I mean..." he stammered a bit, "she knows there was someone, after Hailey, but she doesn't know it was you."

"You don't need to tell her Aaron", Penelope said, "Details are unimportant."

"Nothing between us was or will ever be unimportant, Penny. If I am any kind of man for Beth, It is because you saved me. It's because you came into the darkness and shined a light to guide me out. It's because you healed me, because you made me feel, no" he corrected himself, "its because you made me want to feel again."Aaron paused then, "but", he continued, I can understand how knowing might make social gatherings uncomfortable for her. I mean there are still time when it's all I can do not to rip his hands off you", Aaron said.

"Derek's hands have never been on me, Aaron, at least not the way you are thinking about", Penelope assured him.

"If that's true, then he's a fool." Aaron replied "probably the biggest fool I've ever met"

Penelope bristled. "Don't say things like that Aaron. It's not his fault if my fool heart wants things it can never have. Derek can't be blamed for not desiring me the way that I desire him."

"He desires you." Aaron said flatly. I recognize the look in his eyes, of course, having seen it in my own eyes a time or two."He stated matter-of-factly. "He desires you more than anyone I think," Aaron continued, "he's just too damn scared to do anything about it. Maybe someone just needs to make him aware of what he has to lose. I know", Aaron continued, " I could tether him to a chair and describe for him in detail even moment of the week Jack spent at sleep away camp."

"You mean the week you tarnished your perfect F.B.I. record and called out sick?" Penelope asked.

"What?" Aaron chuckled, "It's not like I lied, and I simply told them I was 'physically unable to get out bed'"

Penelope chuckled a bit; her voice however held a wistful note when she replied, "You can tell Derek anything you like, Aaron my love, I doubt he would even care."

Little did Penelope know, just a few steps out of sight, visions of his Baby Girl wrapped in the arms of Aaron Hotchner were making Derek Morgan care more than she could ever imagine.


	2. How it began

_**Thank you all for the wonderful reviews! I will definatelty move forward with this storyline. I hope you all enjoy it! Sorry for the unspefic timeframe here. I will correct it going forward.**_

A few years back...

It had been coming for a long time. Penelope could see it. Aaron Hotchner has always been a quiet, reserved sort of man, even among his friends, but there was something different about the quiet that seemed to have been slowly enveloping him since the murder of his wife. Things that Aaron could have once easily moved beyond seemed to slow him now. Even if the other members of the BAU didn't seem to notice it, being too wrapped up in their own everyday reality, Penelope noticed.

In truth, Penelope noticed everything about all of them. She was the only non-profiler in the group yet she could so easily read all of them at any given moment. She watched them all quietly guiding them to the things that would make each day just the slightest bit brighter in this dark world in which they all had chosen to work.

Lately however, nothing she had done had seemed to have any impact on Aaron's ever darkening mood. She had seen him slowly withdraw from them, subtly, in a way she was certain only Aaron Hotchner was capable of. He had declined an invitation for drink with the team and blamed on paperwork Penelope knew he had filed electronically hours before and even when they had finally gotten him out to dinner one night he had made an early exit attributed to a need to be home with Jack, at a time when Penelope knew Jack was spending the weekend with his aunt.

Penelope wanted to believe she had been overreacting, reading too much into the man's understandable desire for privacy but she had looked into his eyes today, when the team had finally come home from one of the worst cases in her recent memory, and the darkness she had seen in them did not need a profile to define it.

Aaron was the first one to reach the victim, once they had finally identified the UnSub. She had been barely clinging to life by than and had died there in Hotch's arms awaiting the paramedics. Penelope had read the report, all of it, even the ghastly details from which she would have normally averted her eyes. She had need to understand where his thoughts would be tonight, needed to know what he had seen and done so that she could try in some small way to understand.

There had been nothing he could have done. 5 minutes or 5 hours earlier would have ultimately made no difference in the survival of that poor girl. Days of physical and emotional torture at the hands of their UnSub had sealed her fate long before Aaron had arrived on scene. Penelope knew he wouldn't see that. She had died in his arms; that was all he would see. Unless of course someone made him see the truth, the girl's death had not been his fault and that was exactly what Penelope intended to do.

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Everyone was anxious to have this case behind them. Most of them had finished their paperwork on the flight home and were gone like a shot before Garcia even knew it. Derek had stayed long enough to check in with her before heading out to the airport. Tomorrow was his mother's birthday and he would spend it and the rest of the coming week in Chicago with her.

Penelope stayed long after the others, though she had no work to do. She knew Aaron was still in his office, she had seen him go in there hours before, his paperwork had been filed, she had checked; but he had not come out.

Jack was away again, she knew that because he always advised her of Jack's whereabouts when he was working a case, if heaven forbid, she needed to tell his caretaker that Aaron would not be returning home.

Penelope was patient, she waited and watched, but there was no sign that Aaron intended to leave anytime soon. Finally she decided she needed to do something to bring him out.

Gathering her courage Penelope mounted the stairs to his office and gently knocked on the door. At first she heard no response so she knocked again, a bit less gently this time.

"Come" was all he said.

Hesitantly, Penelope opened his office door. Aaron did not look up from the files strewn across his desk. "What?" he said rather sharply.

"Sir?" Penelope said meekly.

Aaron looked up at her, his eyes seeming unfocused at first, then locking on her , he said "Garcia, I'm sorry, did you need something?"

Penelope hated to lie. It went against ever fiber of her being to tell an outright lie to anyone; especially a friend but desperate times required despite action.

"Well…," Penelope began "you see, um, maybe I shouldn't have bothered you" she said turning from the door.

"Garcia?" Aaron said , calling after her as he rose from his desk. "what it is? " he asked.

"Well", she began again, hating herself for playing acting the helpless girl with him, "my car won't start and the rest of the team has gone already. I know I could call at taxi but ever since the team profiled that cabbie that was using his taxi to abduct innocent women…." She paused hoping he would offer.

"Would you like me to drive you home?" Aaron asked

"Oh could you? " Garcia gushed, knowing she was laying it on a little thick.

"Of course, just let me gather my things", he replied. His voice was flat and it hurt Penelope to hear him this way.


	3. Dinner and Sympathy

_**Sorry for the delay in posting everyone. My computer wasn't working and so I had to compose this on my cell phone keying it one letter at a time like some gigantic text message! Given this, Please excuse any grammatical errors. I should have the problem fixed asap.**_

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Penelope walked beside Aaron through the building to the elevator. He said nothing as they walked. He said nothing as the waited for the elevator doors to open. He said nothing as the stepped onto the elevator, nothing as the rode down to the parking and nothing as they walked to his car. Penelope started to doubt herself as the silence stretched on between them. Finally, unable to stand the silence any longer, Penelope spoke.

" I really appreciate you doing this", she said, turning to face him as he started the car.

"It's no problem." he said.

They drove in silence for a while. Penelope's mind racing with ideas for what to say next. Finally, she took a deep breath, said a small prayer and spoke again.

"Are you hungry?" she asked.

"Not really" Aaron said.

"Really? I would have thought you would be starving by now, I mean you haven't stopped to eat all day and its getting kind of late". Penelope said.

"Maybe I am a bit hungry", Aaron said.

"Let me fix you dinner, as a reward for driving me home and all," Penelope said.

"No, that isn't necessary, Garcia, I'll fix myself something once i get home to Jack." he replied.

"I might believe that Aaron except, Jack is away with Jessica and the boys this week, for that camp she takes her boys to every year. I heard you tell David how excited Jack was and how Jessica pulled some strings to take him even though he's not technically old enough but since she has volunteered there for years and she will really be in charge of him the whole time, the camp organizers let him go. I know they left last night so that means you will either have to resort to fast food or rummage through a fridge that hasn't even been opened since you left four days ago. Neither one sounds very appetizing to me really so, let me make you dinner. I have to cook for me anyway and cooking for one really isn't as much fun." Penelope said looking confident in her words on the outside but inside she was holding her breath for his reply.

"Garcia your skills you're wasted at the Technical Analyst he replied you really should go to the Academy And be a full-fledged agent we could use your persuasion skills in interrogations." Aaron finally said.

"I'll take that as a yes to dinner," she replied.

When they reached her apartment Aaron followed her up the stairs and waited as she opened the door for them. " Please take your shoes off ", she said taking off her own. The look he gave her was part of disbelief and part annoyance. It made her laugh.

"What?" She teased " Does he always so composed special agent Aaron Hotchner have holes in his socks?"

Genuinely smiling for the first time all night he did as she asked and removed his shoes, leaving them just inside her apartment door.  
"Make yourself at home," she told him. "I'll fix a drink and then start dinner."

Stepping inside her apartment Aaron was struck by how different her home was from his own. More than just the furnishings it was the feeling that stuck him, her home like her was warm, friendly and inviting while his had become a cold and somehow lonely place even with Jack there.

Aaron took off his suit jacket and hung it by the door . It seemed ridiculous to him to still be wearing his tie when is shoes had been discarded so he loosened that as well. Penelope had disappeared into the kitchen and so Aaron took a moment to explore her home. The decor was a mix of styles, kind of like her wardrobe he thought. No one else alive would have arranged these things together but somehow every piece worked.

By the time he had explored his way into her kitchen, it was already filled with the enticing aromas of the meal she was preparing them. He missed this. No one cooked for him anymore and on the rare occasion lately when had prepared a meal for Jack it was Mac & cheese or some such child's treat, nothing that filled his home with aromas like these. He stood in the doorway watching her for a moment. She floated around her tiny kitchen, humming to herself while add a myriad of brightly colored ingredients into the wok set before her. The scent of Ginger and sesame had already told him it was some sort of Oriental dish but he was still somehow surprised to see the wok on her stove. She actually owned a wok?

Aaron hadn't realized he spoken that question allowed until she turned to him with a smile and said " doesn't everyone?"

Shaking his head Aaron chuckled at her. "Can I help by setting the table ?" He asked, gesturing toward the red, fifties diner style kitchen set that took up one corner of the room.

"Oh," Penelope replied," its such a beautiful night, I thought we'd eat outside " pointing towards the French doors on the opposite side of the room. Aaron stepped forward and opened the doors, revealing a surprisingly spacious terrace complete with a dinnette set just perfect for two.

"Light the candles," Penelope called "the matches are on the shelf outside the door." Aaron obeyed her command, lighting each of the small candles that lined the terrace rail. When he had lit the last one, she appeared behind him, bearing two glasses of lemonade garnished with mint and lemon slices. He took one, looking at her quizzically.

" You were expecting alcohol? " she asked, when he nodded she laughed, " you haven't tasted it yet. It may be spiked ".

Aaron settled into one of the two chairs set on either side of the table. When Penelope placed his plate before him he noticed she had given him a fork and not the chopsticks she had laid beside her own plate. It was a small detail but so like Penelope to just instinctively do what would make him most comfortable.

The meal was delicious, the vegetables crisp, the meat well seasoned and full of flavor. He devoured it, savoring every mouthful. When they were finished he asked "Where did you learn to cook like that?"

"From my mom," she replied.

"Your mom taught you how to make Asian food?" He asked.

"Mom loved to cook, she loved food, so she was always taking cooking classes. What she learned she came home and taught me. Asian foods were some of her favorites " Penelope explained.

"You were still quite young when she died " he said.

It was a statement more than a question really but she answered him anyway, "Yes, she and my stepfather died in a car accident when I was in my late teens."

Looking in her eyes Aaron said,"You still miss her."

Again it was a statement."Of course I miss her" she replied " but time has changed my feelings about the accident. "

"How so?" Aaron asked.

"For the longest time I questioned why and sought answers by placing blame with the other driver, my stepfather who was driving and even myself for every action I took or didn't take that somehow in my mind contributed to the crash."

"And now?" Aaron asked

" Now I know God is wiser than me and I trust in His mercy to guide me", she said.

Aaron turned his face from her then.

"You couldn't have saved her Aaron," Penelope said.

He turned back to face her then, his eyes we dark as he said, "You can't know that"

"I can", Penelope said,"I've read the preliminary coroners report. If she had been found by a team of emergency room physicians she still would have died Aaron. The injuries he inflicted on her during the three weeks he held her captive were just too severe."

"If that's true, then why was I allowed to find her alive? Where was your merciful God's plan in my standing there helplessly watching her die?! " he demanded raising his voice.

"Maybe its not all about you Aaron", she replied softly. Softening her tone even more she continued "I read the victims file too. She loved her family, you yourself said she was 'the type that would do anything to get back to them'. She fought him Aaron, she held out longer than humanly possible. You got to her, she opened her eyes, she looked at you, heard you tell her you were there for her and smiled, right?"

Aaron nodded

"She felt your touch, it must have been the first gentleness she'd know in weeks, she was safe, she didn't have to fight to get back to them anymore cause she knew you were there to take her home. Finally she could let go Aaron, and be at peace."

Aaron turned from her again but not before she saw the first tears fall from his eyes. By the time she'd rounded the table his shoulders were shaking. Penelope wrapped her arms around him, stroking his back she whispered soft soothing words in his ear as he cried for the gir. It was the first time he'd allowed himself to cry since Hailey death.


	4. Dessert

The tears fell unrestrained for sometime until little by little Penelope could feel Aaron physically trying to pull himself together. Knowing him, she knew how uncomfortable it must make him to complete lose his composure with her and so she let him take the lead. Her arms were still around him and he had made no move to change that so neither did she. Her hands still stroked his back though she had stopped trying to soothe him with quiet words. Eventually Aaron cleared his throat, as though he intended to speak but no words came. Reaching for his glass Penelope placed it in his hand, and urged him to drink. "Thank you, Penelope," Aaron said, his voice was little more than a whisper.

Penelope did not know how long they sat there on the floor of her terrace. Her arms around him, his head laying on her shoulder. The night began to grow cool around them. Unwillingly Penelope shivered as a chilled breeze brushed against her back.

"You're cold," Aaron whispered.

"Only a little", Penelope replied, not wanting to lie to him.

"Let's go in", Aaron said, rising. Penelope was reluctant to move. Being there with him had felt too comfortable and going in meant their evening would be coming to an end soon. She didn't want to let him go just yet. Reluctantly she took his hand and let him to help her to her feet.

To her surprise Aaron did not release her hand once she was standing. Instead he brought it o his lips and kissed the back of it. The unexpected gesture sent shivers down her spine. Turning Aaron opened the terrace door and led her back into her tiny kitchen still holding onto her hand.

He voice was still quiet when he said, "I'd like to freshen up a bit."

"The powder room is down the hall, on the right. Take your time, I'll make us some desert." she told him.

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Standing in her pale pink powder room, Aaron splashed water on his face and stopped to examine himself in the mirror. His eyes were still bloodshot, his face was pale, his tie hung loose around his neck and his white shirt was no longer tucked into his pants. In short he looked like hell but somehow he felt better than he had in ages.

Leaving the bathroom he removed his tie and pulled the rest of the shirt free of his pants, making some small effort to improve his appearance. Then he walked down the short hall and through the living room to find her in the kitchen. Again he paused in the door way to watch her float around her kitchen making their dessert. For the first time Aaron really let himself consider Penelope, not as a subordinate, a co-worker or even as a friend but a women. She was beautiful. He smile, her eyes, her hair, the shape of her face, her curves all worked together to make her more than appealing. Aaron had never allowed himself to see her that way before.

More than her physical looks there was something about her that enticed him. There was a light in her that warmed him deep inside. There was an innocence in her that came not from being unaware of the evil this world could hold but from her deeply held belief that for every evil there must also be a good and her unwavering determination to always be a source of that goodness for those around her. She was a truly remarkable women.

Penelope looked up at him and smiled as he crossed the doorway into the kitchen. In front of her on the counter were two tall slices of chocolate cake, covered in a frosting that looked sinfully rich.

" I hope you like Devil's Food" Penelope said.

"It looks delicious", he replied.

On a whim Aaron reached out and took a finger full of the rich dark icing and stuck it in his mouth, impatient to taste it.

"Yummy", he said, licking the remnants from his lips.

Penelope laughed at the sight of him, she had never seen this playful side of Aaron Hotchner before. Deciding to join him in his silliness, Penelope too reached out and took a bit of icing from the top of her slice of cake but before it reached her lips, Aaron grabbed her hand and took her finger in his mouth, licking away the frosting she had intended for herself.

Penelope met his eyes and the look of desire she saw there startled her. She thought for sure she must be misreading them. Her mind was so busy trying to wrap itself around the thought that she didn't even notice him bending towards her until his lips landed firmly on her own.

The kiss was laced with the flavor of chocolate; the remnants of what Aaron had stolen from her but beneath the rich sweet taste was something warm and spicy. a flavor he knew instantly was all Penelope. Aaron savoured it. Kissing her even more deeply; he drank her in, enjoying the feelings that flowed through him. Reaching up he laced his fingers in her hair, drawing her closer as he used his tongue to trace the seam of her lips. Parting them, her felt her sigh as he thrust his tongue inside her mouth, greedy to taste her more completely.


	5. Details

_**Chapter Rated M for sexual situations, please do not read if that makes you uncomfortable Thanks!**_

_**Please believe I am absolutely a die-hard Derek/Penelope fan but details here are important. It will all come into play later. Promise! Thank you again for the reviews, good or bad please keep them coming. You all keep me going :)**_

Aaron drew Penelope closer, deepening the kiss even more as he closed the distance between their bodies. Kissing Penelope this way was madness and he should stop it be he knew he could not. Instead he angled her body between the counter and his own, pressing her more fully against him. The heat the rose between them was like a liquid fire that Aaron found himself wanting to drowned it. She felt so good, so right in his arms. He ran his hands down her back, cupping her bottom, he brought her body up to meet his, needing to show her the effect she was having on him. He loved the gasp that escaped from between their still joined lips as he pressed his arousal against the softness of her inner thigh.

Though he broke the kiss then, he did not pull back from her. Placing his forehead to hers, he fought for control. He would not coerce her, if she needed him to stop he would find a way, though at the moment he could think of none. They were both still breathless yet he tried to speak, "Penelope, I'm sor..."

"Don't say the S word Aaron, there's no need for it with me", she said placing a finger to his lips to cut off his words. "besides, you're not sorry and you don't want to stop and" she hesitated, "I don't want you to stop either."

Feeling the tension leave his body at her words emboldened her. "But", she said in teasing tone, playfully pushing him back from her, "there's also no need to rush."

Aaron laughed and kissed her quickly, ending it before she could drive him to madness again.

"My couch is very comfortable", she suggested, taking his hand to lead him into her living room. Suddenly serious, Aaron stopped her.

"Penelope, there could be repercussions, if the bureau found out we were lovers, it could cost us both dearly. I need you to know the risk your taking. I want you so much, I need you, but I don't ever want us to be something you come to regret", he said. Penelope said nothing, she only kissed him again, then took his hand and began leading him into the living room again. They settled themselves on her couch. Hands entwined, legs brushing each other, he claimed her mouth again.

Her mind was racing as he kissed her more slowly this time. This had not been her intention. She wanted to help him get past his pain not seduce him into her bed. In truth she had never even considered Aaron that way before. Yes, he was handsome and she had of course noticed that but he was her boss and there were rules. He was right, this was dangerous but, he needed her, she felt that need pouring off of him, she would not, could not refuse him. She wasn't in love with him, but she loved him enough to give him this. And it wasn't as though she would get nothing in return. His kiss was delicious, his touch was gentle, strong yet soft. instinctively she believed he would be a generous lover and she truly looked forward to finding out if she was right.

Aaron trailed kisses down Penelope's neck and along the line of her collarbone. Softly she sighed as he licked and sucked and kissed his way across her flesh. She felt his hand tremble as they reached for the first button at the top of he blouse. Lifting her head she watched him fumble to undo the next two buttons before stilly his hands with her own and moving to quickly finish the buttons herself.

"No", Aaron said, stopping her. "I want to do it. You are like a present I want unwrap but..."

"You're a bit out of practice Aaron, it's ok," she said.

"Its not that, I " he hesitated before continuing, " Hailey and I met in Junior High. We dated all through high school and got married in college, she was was my first lover, Penelope, my only lover." Aaron paused a minute, tracing his fingers across the swell of her breast he said, "you are so different from her." Feeling Penelope stiffen a bit, he corrected himself, "No, not in a bad way, Penelope. She was so little, so slight, I always felt like I had to be so careful, so gentle. I loved her Penelope, I enjoyed her but the you entice me in a way I can't explain, I mean the idea of you, the thought of making love to a woman with breasts that are more than a handful, more than a mouthful, has my hands trembling with need right now."

Flattered by his words, Penelope kissed him again. Taking his hands in hers she helped him undo the rest of her buttons and spread the fabric of her blouse revealing the lace bra and creamy skin beneath. She placed his fingers beneath the strap of her bra and helped him slide it off her shoulder. First one and then the other. Next she guided his hands behind her to find the clasp and aided him in undoing it. The lace fell away from her skin. Penelope so enjoyed the sharp intact of his breath as he took in the sight of her. Taking his hands again she brought them up to cup her breast. Aaron moaned as his flesh touched hers and Penelope could not help but enjoy the effect her body was having on him. Instead of feeling shy because of her size, his adoration made her feel powerful and she could not help but be aroused by that.

Aaron buried his face in the crevice between her breasts, whispering sweet words against her skin. She heard "beautiful","delicious", "magnificent" and "stunning" amoung the words he said as he lavished kisses upon her. He worked his way down from top to bottom, paused for only a moment to admire his nipple before taking it into his mouth to suckle it. Penelope threw her head back and moaned as his actions brought liquid heat flowing to her core. Loving her reaction he teased her farther, ever so gently biting down on her hardened peak. She moaned his name in response, "Aaron", the sound of it so thick with passion aroused him beyond measure. He moved her to straddled him making certain she could feel her effect on him as turned his attention to her other breast. She rocked against him, seeking release as he took the nipple in his mouth again.

She could feel his arousal straining against the zipper of his suit pants beneath her. He was so hard, so hot against her. Penelope moved herself off his lap, which made Aaron cry out from the lack of her. He reached to pull her back but she refused him. "Lay back", she said pushing him playfully down on the cushions. When he tried to rise, she pushed him down again, "Stay", she commanded him. Penelope undid his belt buckle and slowly lowered the zipper on his pants, reaching in, she heard him moan as her fingers closed around his arousal bringing it out so she could take it in her mouth.

"Oh Penelope" Aaron moaned at the first touch of her lips to him. She felt his body buck as she lightly sucked his end and she knew it would not take much to send him over the edge.

"Penelope", he sighed as she increased the pull of her mouth. His hands stroked her hair as she lavished her attention on him, driving his forward toward that sweet release she knew he so dearly craved. Another stroke of her tongue and he was finished. His body shook with the power of his release.

"You didn't have to do that Penelope", Aaron said shakily after a few minutes.

"I enjoyed it, Didn't you?" she teased.

"Yes, oh yes," he stammered, "it was so incredible, Hailey wouldn't do that, couldn't do that, I asked her once, when we were first together but the thought was too much for her."

"Well, did you like it?" Penelope teased again, already knowing the answer.

Aaron nodded.

"Want me to do it again? she asked playfully

"Maybe, " he said, "When we both have less clothes on."


	6. Jack's first night at sleep away camp

_**Chapter Rated M for sexual situations, please do not read if that makes you uncomfortable Thanks!**_

_**Sorry this chapter is so short but hopefully you'll find it short and sweet :) more to come soon! Thank you all for the encouraging reviews. This has been the longest week and all of you have helped me to keep the momentum going. You are awesome!**_

Aaron and Penelope made slowly began making their way down the hall to her bedroom stopping every few feet to kiss and touch and remove just one more piece of the clothing that had quickly become an unwelcome barrier between them. By the time Aaron pushed open her bedroom door he was naked and only Penelope's black lace panties remained. He could not wait to rid her of them. Aaron turned to close the bedroom door as Penelope made her was to the bed. Feeling playful she lay across it, arranging her nearly naked body in the best playboy, come-hither pose she could manage. Aaron stood for a moment, his eyes feasting on the beauty of her. Never in his life had he been so easily aroused by the sight of a women.

"Come to me, Lover", Penelope called.

Aaron's body physically reacted to her words. Seeing how easily she aroused him made her feel sexy, confident and powerful. She arched her body toward him, allowing him and even and even better view of what she had to offer. Her action caused his arousal to swell even larger before her and she could not stop the deep, lusty laugh that rose out of her throat. For the first time ever she felt like the Goddess she had so often proclaimed herself to be.

Unable to resist a moment longer, Aaron joined her on the bed. Claiming her mouth her kissed he deeply as his hands explored her soft, sweet bodies entwined. She wrapped he leg around his, trapping his arousal against her sweet, hot core. He moaned her name, "Penelope" as the feel of her overwhelmed him. He need for her becoming physically painful. Aaron's fingers found the lacy edge of her panties and his slipped his hand insides, to cup her bottom in his palms. Slowly he slid he panties away drown, Penelope arch her body to allow him to remove the last barrier between their flesh. Pushing her gently back on to pillows, Aaron placed a hand on each of her hips, angling her body towards him. Penelope closed her eyes, wanting to savor the moment that he would finally enter her but Aaron had other plans. Bending his head, he placed a kiss at her core, eliciting a soft moan from her. His tongue darting out from behind his lips licked at the soft, fold at her opening. Penelope's body bucked as yet another moan escaped her lips. Loving her reaction, her pushed further, driving his tongue into her core and licking the deep sweetness within. He felt her body spasm as her climax began to build. Sliding a finger alone the path his tongue had traced, he raised his head, needing to watch her passion overtake her.

He slid his finger deeper, teasing and stroking, in and out as her hips began to move, seeking the release that was so near. "Please" she begged, "Please Aaron", her voice was thick with need. A second finger joined the first, stroking slowly, deeply, teasing her to the edge and over it. She cried out in ecstasy as release finally came. He kept his hand with her, enjoying the feel of her body writhing around his fingers. It wasn't until he could feel her spiraling back down for the height of pleasure that he moved himself into position above her and slid his long hard shaft in to take the place his fingers had held.

Penelope had not yet regained herself enough to be ready for the feel of him sliding into her depths. His thickness filled her so deeply, she cried out his name as she immediately came to climax at his first stroking movement. Aaron lost himself in the hot, sweet depths of her, aware of nothing but the pleasure her body brought him as he moved within her. Aaron's release hit him with such force his arms could no longer hold him and he collapsed against her spent. Never had he imagined he could take so much pleasure in a women and never had had so instantly wanted to do it all over again.

The morning light found them still wrapped up in each other. Sleep had only finally come when both had been so exhausted they could no longer move enough to quench the desire that still flared between them. They had tasted and touched and explored every inch of each other. Making love so many times, Aaron had finally lost count. His eyes slowly opening, Aaron realized ever muscles in his body ached from the exertion of the previous night yet he could not wipe the smile from his face.


	7. Chapter 7 (or realy part 2 of Chapter 6)

_*****In hindsight, this chapter and the last should have been together in one decent size chapter but as they say hindsight is 20/20. Hope you enjoy it anyway dear readers. Thank you again for the taking the time to review :)**_

The next two days passed in much the same way as their first night together. Both of them chose to ignore the fact that there was a world anywhere outside her apartment door and focused only on each other; enjoying the intensity of what they had discovered between them.

There was a freedom here in Penelope's arms that Aaron had never known before. Penelope as well had found a confidence with Aaron that she had not known herself capable of before. Two short days had deeply changed them both.

It was only the first rays on sunlight on Monday morning that brought Aaron back to crashing back to reality. In a few hours he would need to be back to himself, back to straight-laced suit and tie Aaron Hotchner. Laying there in Penelope's bed, he barely remembered how to be that man. This time with her had already changed him so much.

"I would say those are some serious thought you are thinking over there Lover, given the scowl on your face right now", he heard Penelope say. "Everything ok?" she asked.

"Its Monday", he said.

Knowing his meaning, she chose to make light of it, "Yeah, I'm not much of Monday person either, let's ignore it and maybe it will go away", she teased, sprawling out across his chest. The scowl did not leave his face but his body was still relaxed, his hands stroking her as he began to speak, "Penelope, We…"

"We both know there can be no more than this, Aaron" Penelope said raising a hand to silence him. Caressing his face, she continued, "I knew that with our first kiss, but I don't regret a second of us." She sat up beside him, wrapping the sheet around her chest. "This," Penelope said, gesturing between them, "was beautiful, so, so beautiful."

Aaron took hold of her hand, kissing the back of it he said, "Penelope, I love…"

"You don't need to say you love me Aaron," Penelope interrupted, placing a finger on his lips to silence him again. "Your every action has shown me that already. "She said, brushing her free hand across his chest she continued, "I love you too just …."

"Just not in a romantic love way" Aaron said finishing her thought.

Penelope nodded; grateful he did not need the explanation her lips could not seem to form.

"You'll never know how deeply your touch has healed me", Aaron confessed. Looking up at her he continued, "And the thought of never being this way with you again…"

"Woo, wait just a second here, who said that?" Penelope teased, feeling Aaron relax a bit as she retook her place against his chest. She kissed him deeply before saying, "I'm always here if you need me, Aaron".

Aaron smiled devilishly at her words, "Really?" he teased, rolling her beneath him. Pinning her arms above her head he kissed her until she was breathless. When his hands released her arm she fully anticipated the feel of those hands tracing across her already sensitized skin. Instead, to Penelope's shock he sat up and grabbed his cell phone off the nightstand beside her bed. Penelope didn't know what to think as he punched in a number. She opened her mouth to question him when Aaron placed a finger in front of his lips, and motioned for her to remain quite. She could hear the line ringing on the other end of his phone.

"Hello Erin?" she heard him say.

Penelope knew that meant Section Chief Erin Strauss and she suddenly needed no encouragement to stay quite. Penelope doubted she could have made a sound if he'd wanted her to.

"Yes", Aaron said into the phone, "listen, I know we have that meeting planned but I don't think I'll be able to make it in to the office today. "

After a pause in which Penelope heard the muffled voice of Erin Strauss questioning him, Aaron said, "No, it's just that I have been in bed all weekend and I just don't feel strong enough this morning to even think about getting dressed and coming in there."

Penelope was truly in awe of his ability to have said that to Erin Strauss of all people, with a straight face. She was still staring at him opened mouth as he thanked Strauss for her understanding and ended the call, replacing his phone the night stand.

"What?" he laughed

"You have never called off of work, Aaron, other than mandatory leaves you have never, not ever, not been at work when you were supposed to be", Penelope said in disbelief.

"Well," he replied, taking hold of her wrists as he moved over her again, "I think it's about time I put my needs first, and right now, what I need is you."


	8. return to the garden

Present Day...

David Rossi's voice called out to gather the closest of his friends around him. Aaron placed a hand on the small of Penelope's back and guided her as they returned to the gathering. Neither of them ever suspected that they had been overheard by anyone, least of all by Derek Morgan. Aaron and Penelope had each taken seats on opposite side of the table the team had chosen to gather around. The seat beside Penelope was as always, left open for Derek Morgan. Penelope looked up when Derek took the empty seat. He seemed quieter than he had earlier, 'the events of the day must finally be wearing on him', Penelope thought, reaching out a hand to offer him comfort.

Derek considered her offered hand for a moment before accepting it and drawing her near to him. He was still unable to meet her eyes. As Derek raised his head however, his eyes did meet a pair of eyes across the table that had been watching him since he returned to the gathering. Looking directly into the eyes of Aaron Hotchner caused anger to flare within Derek again. Quickly he looked away but not before Aaron read his expression.

'He knows' Aaron thought to himself. The thought filled Aaron with so many conflicting emotions. If Derek were angry enough, he could reveal them, which might cost Aaron his position But Aaron didn't fear that. In truth he would have given up his position, hell even his whole career long ago, to have had a future with the incredible woman holding Derek's hand. As Aaron's eye fell on Penelope his feelings for her swelled to the surface again. He had become expert at hiding those feelings from everyone, especially her in the last few years. Though Aaron was sure Penelope knew the love he felt for her, they had never again discussed it after he had tried to tell her that very first night.

Their first week together had been bliss for him. And it had not been their last encounter. There were moment, more of them at the beginning, when she had taken him home after a very long case or when he had taken her home after they had watched Derek leave with some 'smoking hot' thing and it was all Penelope could do to hold herself together. In all this time they had prided themselves on discretion, keeping what was their's between them. Only once had Penelope slipped during a case and referred to him as "Hotch Rocket" for which he had severely punished her, taking her home and showing her exactly how much time he could take finding lift off.

That memory brought a slow smile to Aaron's face that did not go unnoticed by Derek Morgan. Derek had tried not to look at his boss as they all sat together listening to David Rossi speak. If it hadn't been for the respect he had for David and the loss the man had suffered Derek might have bolted from this gathering, needing time alone to process what he learned about the Boss man and his Baby Girl. Instead Derek sat there listening, talking little, holding Penelope's hand a bit too tightly, trying to ignore the existence of Aaron Hotchner until of course he looked up again to find Aaron staring at his Baby Girl, obviously lost in thought, a thought that had him grinning like an idiot. What Aaron was thinking Derek could only imagine and imagining it was more than her could bear.

Clearing his throat Derek turned to David, "Well man, it's getting late and I think it's time I took my Baby Girl home", he said, drawing Penelope's hand possessively close to his chest as he rose from the table. Several of the others took Derek's lead and began to make their apologies and go. Derek and Penelope had only made it a few steps from the table when Aaron stopped them.

"Um, before you go Derek," he heard Aaron's voice call, "there's something you and I need to discuss, if I could have a moment."

"I'm sure it can wait till tomorrow", Derek replied.

"NO", Aaron said, perhaps a bit to sharply at first, "no", he corrected himself, "This really needs to be addressed now", he said, using his best Supervisor Special Agent voice.

Penelope, not knowing what Derek knew or what Aaron had intentions of discussing with him helpfully offered, "If you boys have work that needs your attention, I'm more than glad to wait with David."

"Ok", Derek relented."We won't be long", he assured Penelope, taking a moment to kiss her deeply before turning to Aaron.

"This way," Aaron said, "We can talk in the garden." ensuring Derek knew what the topic would be before the conversation even began.

****this week is crazy, as tomorrow is my birthday, I make no promises for uploading anything in the next 24 hours but it won't be much longer than that. Promise. Thank you all for sticking with this story.


	9. promise

Penelope had thought nothing of Aaron wanting to talk to Derek for a moment until Derek had kissed her. Derek had given her a kiss hundreds of times, all of those kisses had been simple little pecks, the way friends kiss; but he had never really kissed her, not the way a man kisses his women. And that was exactly how Derek had kissed her. It had been quick, Aaron was waiting so it wasn't like he could have lingered but it had also been deep and intense. Derek had held on to her with such force, it was as though he was suddenly afraid she would vanish the moment he let go. She saw no reason for him to behave this way, until she put it together with Aaron's urgent need to talk with him alone. The realization made her gasp aloud.

"Is everything ok, Kitten?" David asked her.

Penelope had scarcely remembered he was still standing there. She tried to acknowledge him but her mind was too drawn after the men who had just stepped away from them to focus for even a moment. Penelope started to follow the path Derek and Aaron had taken when David's hand reached out and took hold of her arm.

"I need to go after them…." Penelope started to say.

"Whatever they needed to discuss, looked important, and I don't think you should disturb them, but", David said "the spare bedroom overlooks the garden and if for some reason you feel this conversation might need overhearing, the balcony of that room would be the perfect place to listen unnoticed", David added, taking her hand to lead her into the house. Penelope kissed his cheek and obediently followed him.

David did not normally approve of eavesdropping, as he found it took the sport out of solving the mystery on your own. David loved a good mystery and whatever was happening tonight had him baffled. He would say to anyone the Aaron Hotchner is his best friend and he prided himself on knowing the man but the forcefulness with which he had commanded Derek to stay, in that moment before he had recovered himself that is, was unlike the Aaron Hotchner her knew. And then there was Derek's behavior. He was moody and quiet for most of the night, then tried to leave abruptly and finally he'd kissed Penelope. Kissed her. No playful teasing banter, no show put on for those around them, just a really, solid kiss. David had a feeling whatever was going on with those men needed to happen, and if Penelope wanted to overhear it he'd rather help her than risk her putting an end to the conversation before it began. And of course this way, if he happened to overhear while he was helping her overhear, well that couldn't be helped, now could it?

Penelope and David opened the balcony door just in time to hear Aaron speak.

"I thought this would be a good place to talk privately. I mean I can't imagine how two people having a private conversation in such a secluded corner could be overheard, could you?" he said to Derek, a touch of sarcasm edging his voice.

Derek said nothing.

"I'm sure it happened innocently enough Derek", Aaron continued. "Penelope was not immediately beside you and so of course you went looking for her. I'm sure your intentions were noble, you were most likely concerned for her feelings, given todays events and Garcia's nature. I'm sure you didn't believe for a second that any conversation between Penelope and I would be private and so of course you thought nothing at all of listening for a moment, perhaps you even thought you were being polite, allowing us to finish our talk before you interrupted us; but you never did interrupt us, Derek, you never made your presence know. You just stood there in the shadows listening and then what?" Aaron asked

Still Derek said nothing.

"Then, Aaron paused, "then you did nothing", he continued,"having heard what was said you went back to the table, Barely able to look at either of us, you sat there, growing more angry by the minute." Aaron paused again, seeming to consider his next words carefully. "I understand the position you're in Derek, better than you know. You and I have known each other for a long time, I believe you respect me, until a few hours ago, you might have even called me a friend but right now you want to hit me which I suppose that is fair, given the number of times over the past few years that I have wanted to hit you."

Derek looked up then, meeting Aaron's eyes for the first time since they had entered the garden. He wanted to speak, Aaron could tell but, the words did not come and so Aaron continued.

"The problem with that Derek is that your anger is misplaced. You want to deck me because you feel like I've stepped on your toes. You're mad because I have made love to 'your woman", Aaron said, his voice rising as he continued, "when in reality Derek, if you had ever once treated Penelope as your woman, if you had ever once given her more than fantasies to cling to, if you had ever truly claimed her as your own, she would never have taken me into her bed."

Derek turned away from him then, whatever words he had wanted to say, dying before they left his mouth. The truth in Aaron's words had convicted him.

"Derek", Aaron said, "I need you to listen to what I have to say, no matter how hard it is to hear, I need you to listen to all of it before you say anything. I'm asking you as a friend, Derek, can you do that?"

Derek looked back at him, the anger having faded from his eyes, leaving only hurt behind. He said nothing, only nodded in response to Aaron's request.

"Four days ago," Aaron began, "I held Erin Strauss in my arms as the poison coursed through her, stealing the life from her body. Her eyes were growing dim and she was afraid, when she spoke I knew she understood that death was coming and there was nothing left that would stop it. In those final moments it was thoughts of David that strengthened her. Memories of what they had shared brought her peace at the very end. And as I sat there after, holding her body, waiting for the paramedics to arrive, I thought about the end of own my life, if it were to come at that moment, where would I find peace? And as I had that thought, immediately the image of Penelope came to my me. Thoughts of her flooded my mind. I remembered the first kiss we shared and the last kiss and every beautiful, sweet moment in between and I knew that if my life ended in that moment, my time with Penelope would be what brought me comfort in the end."

"You love her," Derek said.

"Yes", Aaron answered simply, "But unfortunately, that's not the point here Derek. The point here is do you love her?"

"Yes", Derek said, "yes, I love her."

"Then you need to do something about it because I swear to you Derek, regardless of our friendship, regardless of what Penelope believes she wants, if you don't step up and be the man she needs, I swear I will do everything in my power to take her away from you."


	10. Emotions

*****sorry for the long delay faithful readers but as I said earlier, this week has been crazy. I so appreciate all your reviews, in the moments when life is so busy and I think of forsaking my hobby for sleep or some other unimportant thing, it is all of you who keep me going. Thank you :) **

At first as Penelope realized just what Aaron intended to "discuss privately" with Derek she was overwhelmed by the need to stop him. Some basic part of her feared that Derek knowing about her and Aaron would somehow cost her the relationship she and Derek shared. But as she and David had hurried though his house to the balcony of the guest room where she now stood, the little voice inside her had chided "what relationship?'

Penelope loved Derek. She wanted to be with him more than she had ever wanted to be with any man but, as she was well aware, wanting did not make it so. In truth, she and Aaron had much more of what could be called a "relationship" than she had ever shared with Derek or any other man for that matter. Granted, Penelope had never intended to begin a relationship with Aaron but, she had never once regretted anything they had shared over the years. In fact, there were many times when Aaron had been the brightest spot in her life.

So many nights Aaron had saved her from the ridiculous emotional rollercoaster she put herself through every time Derek spent time with another woman. She never called him or sought him out when she was hurting but somehow Aaron always knew. Penelope wondered once if he was having Derek watched or something because anytime Derek had some hot date planned and she wanted to crawl into a hole and die rather than think about Derek's nocturnal activity, Aaron would show up at her door. He never made her talk about it. He never made her admit how silly she was to be hurt so deeply by someone who had no idea his actions mattered to her. He'd just take her in his arms and love her until she could not possibly feel anything less than beautiful and special and sexy again. Time and time again he rebuilt the ego that Derek so unwittingly destroyed with his indifference. Still Penelope's foolish heart pined for Derek. Which, she was sure Aaron knew; how could he not? he knew everything about her, after all.

Aaron never tried to talk Penelope out of loving Derek either. He never spoke down about Derek, not even on those nights when he had witnessed her tears first hand. Any other man, wanting a women for himself, would have tried to persuade her with words, belittle the object of her affection, promise her anything, anything, to have her for himself but Aaron did not.

Penelope knew Aaron loved her, his every touch, his every kiss, his every action, had made that clear to her long ago, but he had never again tried to say the words "I love you" to her, not since that very first night together, when he had swallowed his declaration of love, knowing that the truth of it would make her uncomfortable.

That was where he and Derek differed most she thought, Aaron always put her first, regardless of his own emotions. Realizing that, as Aaron began to speak to Derek, Penelope allowed herself to listen, knowing that whatever Aaron said, he would never do anything to intentionally hurt her or take away her chance of having the thing she had always wanted most.

Penelope listened as Aaron spoke plainly to Derek about the hows and whys of their relationship. She saw the anger growing inside Derek and recognized his need to lash out and hit Aaron. She also saw the moment that realization dawned on him and the guilt caused by his own actions won out over the anger. Penelope could not help but hurt for him as she watched him turn from Aaron. She knew he wanted to defend himself but the words seemed to die before they reached his lips. It hurt Penelope to see Derek looking so wounded. Her every instinct was to reach out to him, to speak up and stop this before it went any further and caused him to suffer anymore.

Just as she was about to speak however, a hand touched her shoulder and she turned to look into the eyes of David Rossi, eyes that silently seemed to plead with her to let the men below them continue speaking. Trusting David's judgement more than her own, Penelope took David's hand to steady herself and remained quiet as Aaron went on. She listened intently as Aaron asked Derek to hear what he had to say without interrupting him. Penelope knew by the tone of Aaron's voice that the next words would be the most important. Neither she nor David moved as he relayed the moments leading up to Erin's death. Penelope could see the silent tears falling from David's eyes as Aaron spoke of how his love had made an impact in those last moments of Erin's life.

Penelope's own tears began to fail as Aaron confessed his where his thoughts had traveled in that moment. Her vision blurred with tears as he spoke of how their time together would be his comfort, if he own death came without warning. Silently she raised her hand to cover her mouth as the tears streamed down her face. A moment ago she would have spoken and stopped all this from being said but now she stood frozen, willing herself to be silent, as she waited to hear what else Aaron had to confess.

Penelope could think of only one time before when a man had said such incredibly beautiful words about her, and those words too had let her speechless.

"Garcia, I'll tell you what you are to me... " Derek had said, "you're my God Given Solace."

Penelope had treasured those words inside her, given them their own private place in her heart that no one else's had ever touched. However, Penelope suddenly realized, Aaron's declaration had crept into her heart and his words now sat nestled along side Derek's. Penelope had long ago denied Aaron the chance to simply say "I love you" to her but, she could not now deny the power these words, ones Aaron did not even know she'd heard, had to touch her heart.

Derek's voice brought Penelope's attention back to the men still speaking in the garden below her.

"You love her", she heard him say to Aaron.

"Yes", she heard Aaron answer simply, "But unfortunately, that's not the point here Derek. The point here is do you love her?"

"Yes", Penelope heard Derek say, "yes, I love her."

Those words flooded Penelope with so many emotions. So long she had waited to her that man say those words. He heart immediately swelled with joy but that joy could not chase away the intense emotions that Aaron too had brought to her heart. confusion overwhelmed her. Her head swam with emotions she could not name. Suddenly unable to stand, she lowered herself to sit on the balcony floor. David moved to her side as the men below them continued.

Penelope could hear the emotions simmering in Aaron's words as he made his position clear to Derek, "Then you need to do something about it", she heard him say, "because I swear to you Derek, regardless of our friendship, regardless of what Penelope believes she wants, if you don't step up and be the man she needs, I swear I will do everything in my power to take her away from you."

The power of Aaron's words stole Penelope's breath. Her head spinning, the night closed in around her as she fanted into David Rossi's arms.


	11. Chapter 11

*****sorry for the delay in posting this. Hope you all find it to be worth the wait. Thank you for the reviews, They keep me going. In reading other fics I have noticed my chapters are short by comparison. I will work harder to improve that. Promise! This one is my longest so far :)  
**

**Disclaimer : I DO NOT OWN CRIMINAL MINDS (or I would not need to work so damn hard to pay for my kids soccer)**

David reached out for Penelope the moment he realized she was about to faint. That however was just a moment too late to prepare himself for the weight of her body crashing against his. Although his arms encircled her, he was not able to keep her upright against him. Penelope slipped from David's grasp as he struggled to keep his balance. He called out her name,"Penelope!", as he stumbled forward, trying in vane to regain his grasp on her. She had already been on her knees be the time he realized she was fainting, the distance to the floor had just been to short. His hands reached her again a split second after her head collided with the Italian marble tiles beneath them.

David's heart stopped as he heard the sound Penelope's head made as it connected with the tiles. It was a sickeningly eerie sound that seemed to echo in the darkness around him. "Penelope!", he called out again, lifting her to him. In the dim light his eyes struggled as they searched her for injuries. Cradling her in his arms he brought a hand up to cup the back of her head. David's breath left him as he recognized the warm, sticky feel of blood against his palm.

"Help!" David cried. His voice barely more than a whisper at first as he struggled to regain himself. "Someone Help!" he cried again more loudly this time.

Below him the garden echoed with the sounds of hurried footsteps as the two men who had moments ago been aware of nothing more than their own emotional struggle ran to answer David's call. David tore off his custom made Italian suit jacket and balled it up against the back of Penelope's head. The material quickly became soaked in the blood seeping from the gash in Penelope's scalp. David's hands shook as he pressed the jacket harder, trying to stem the flow.

"Help!", David called out again.

"David?!" Aaron's voice called in return as he reached the landing outside the guest room door. Derek was a mere step behind him.

"In here!", David cried, "I left my cell phone on the table outside, call 911."

Aaron's steps faltered for a moment as they entered the guest room and took in the sight before him. His beautiful Penelope lay motionless in David's arms. The dim light from the bedroom illuminated her pale face and the blood that was now soaking the sleeve of David's dress shirt, turning the burgundy silk to a sick black hue. Aaron had seen blood before. He had seen victim's blood, unsubs blood, he had seen the blood of fellow agents who had fallen in the line of duty, he had even seen Hailey's blood in the moment of her death but none of those sights had stopped his heart as completely as the sight of Penelope's had. For a moment he was frozen in place and might have remained so if Derek had not jarred him as he rushed past to get to Penelope. Thinking again Aaron retrieved the cell phone from his jacket pocket and quickly dialed 911. Relief flooded him as he almost instantly heard the operator's voice respond, "9-1-1, What is your emergency?"

"This is Special Agent Aaron Hotchner of the F.B.I., I have an agent down and I need an ambulance immediately" Aaron said, his voice somehow finding the official tone it needed as autopilot kicked in and took control over his emotions. Aaron knew calling Penelope an Agent was an overstatement, as a Technical Analyst she didn't hold the rank of an Agent within the Bureau but he also knew the Dispatcher would relay his words to the emergency personnel and although he was certain all calls were treated with priority, a call to the aid of someone within the law enforcement community always seemed to light a fire within those who responded.

As Aaron continued to relay information to the 911 operator his eyes never left Penelope or the two men beside her lifeless form. Aaron saw that David's face was ashen, his hands shook as he cradled Penelope close to him.

Derek moved to Penelope. "What happened, man?" he questioned David.

"She fell", David stammered,"I tried to catch her but, I wasn't fast enough," he said

"Baby Girl?" Derek said, stroking her face as he came to kneel beside her. "Baby Girl?" he said again, his voice breaking. Penelope made not a sound in reply. Her body remained still.

Fear swelled within Aaron. From the very first moment he met Penelope Garcia she always full of life. Light seemed to pour out of her, bathing everything and everyone in her glow. His mind could not reconcile that image of her with the sight that lay before him now. Countless nights Aaron had spent watching her sleep beside him but never had he seen her so still. His eyes could barely register the rise and fall of her chest with each shallow breath she took. The blood he noticed however, was still flowing out of the wound in Penelope's head, which Aaron knew meant her heart was still beating. Desperately he clung to that knowledge as the Dispatcher assured him that help was on it's way.

Moments ago Aaron had stood in the garden below, considering the possibility that Derek might finally take Penelope from him. His heart had ached at the thought of losing her that way but in this moment Aaron knew he could far more easily handle that, then losing her like this. If Derek made a commitment to Penelope and she in return made one to him, than it was true that Aaron would lose her as his lover. But Aaron knew Penelope well enough to know that even if Derek objected, she would never allow Aaron to lose her as his friend. At least in that way he would always be allowed to have her company. Her smile would still be there to light his days. Her soft voice would still be heard in his ears. He could live that way, if it was his fate but this, how could he possibly live with losing her like this? The thought alone was destroying him.

At last the blessed sound of sirens pierced the blackness filling Aaron's mind. David's house was huge and Aaron knew even with the information he had relayed about their location, the paramedics would need assistance in finding them. He willed he feet to move but they refused to respond. His eyes were unable to leave Penelope.

Aaron felt the rush of air as Derek ran by him again, racing down stairs to meet the paramedics. He heard Derek's voice call out to them, and the paramedics answering words as they all moved hurriedly around him to reach Penelope. Aaron watched as they assessed her. He listened as the paramedics spoke to each other and to Derek and David. David released Penelope into the medics arms and sat back to allow them room. Aaron noticed David's legs were shaky as he stood to move out of the way. One of the paramedics noticed too and grabbed David's elbow asking, "Sir, are you ok?"

David nodded and steadied himself as he watched the other medics lift Penelope onto a stretcher for transport.

"Her pulse is weak and thready." one medic said to another.

"She lost a lot of blood, we need to get her into the ambulance and to the hospital now." his partner replied.

Somewhere amongst all the commotion around him, Aaron registered the sound of Derek's voice talking to the paramedics. Derek answered their questions about her medical history in a slow and steady tone that amazed Aaron. He too knew all of the information that Derek was relaying but he doubted he could have spoken it aloud for anything right now. His mind and heart refused to focus for more than the briefest moment on anything beyond Penelope condition.

Derek lead the way as the paramedics began to move Penelope down toward the waiting ambulance. David and Aaron recovered themselves enough to follow. Once Penelope had been loaded into the back a paramedic turned to the three of them.

"One of you can ride along with her", he said.

Derek turned to Aaron, his eyes pleading, before he could speak Aaron said "Go, Derek. You Go."

"Are you sure, man?" Derek replied.

"Go", he said again, "talk to her Derek. Keep her with us. Promise me. Keep her with us", he said, his voice breaking with emotion.

Derek could only nod in reply as he boarded the ambulance and the doors were closed blocking him from Aaron's view as the ambulance sped off down David Rossi's driveway.

In all the years Aaron Hotchner had been in law enforcement he had never lost it no matter how horrible the scene had been. Not even that very first day, on that very first crime scene, but this night as the ambulance drove away, Aaron Hotchner turned and lost his dinner in the bushes next to David's front door. Falling to his knees he heaved until his stomach was dry, and then, rocking back on his heals, he hung his head unable to stop the tears that overtook him.

It was David's hand on Aaron's shoulder that finally gave him the strength to regain some measure of control. "Aaron," David said after a moment, "I understand, but we need to get to the hospital. You need to be beside her when she opens her eyes again."

Without a word, Aaron got to his feet and made his way to David's vehicle.


	12. The Car Ride

As the two men drove through the night to the hospital, neither spoke for the longest time. It was David who finally broke the silence.

"I'm so sorry Aaron, I saw the color draining from her face, I knew she wasn't steady on her feet, so I moved towards her but she sat down so I thought she had it under control. I was distracted for a moment, but when I saw her swoon I tried to catch her. I was unprepared to take her weight, I'm sorry Aaron, if I have been just a moment faster, none of this would be happening now." he said.

"What happened?" Aaron asked him.

"It's all my fault. You and Derek walked away and at first she was fine, but then it was like she suddenly realized what the two of you were going to discuss. She was determined to follow you and interrupt but by your behavior and Derek's it seemed very important that you be allowed to speak. So I took her by the arm and I stopped her from following you two. I convinced her to let you talk to Derek on the condition that I would take her somewhere where she could hear everything that was said."

"You were eavesdropping?" Aaron almost yelled the words at David.

"We were standing on the balcony." David replied his voice softened, ashamed now of what had felt like such a good deed earlier.

Aaron glared at him.

"Penelope needed to hear your words Aaron!" David replied, attempting to justify his actions to his friend.

"And you?" Aaron asked, "Did you need to hear them too?!"

Aaron's voice echoed in the small interior of David's car. "Forgive me." David plead. "But In my defense I had no idea what you were about to discuss with him."

Aaron bowed his head unable to defend against the truth in David's words.

"Maybe it's time I retired." David said, "I mean I'm supposed to be this amazing profiler and yet I had no idea that anything was going on between you and Penelope?" David hesitated. Shaking his head as he continued, "Even now I'm replaying every interaction I can remember between the two of you in yet I can see nothing, not one single moment, that the betrays the slightest bit of the emotions I witnessed tonight. From what you said to Derek, this cannot be a new developement, I mean, how long has this thing been going on, Aaron?" David asked.

"It's not a "thing" David", Aaron replied, clearly bothered by David's choice of words. "I don't know what to call Penelope and I", shaking his head Aaron continued, "but it's definately not a "thing" and to answer your question It began after the Morrison case, when Jack spent the week with Jessica at the camp she volunteers with", he said

"That week when you were sick in bed?" David asked.

"I wasn't sick and I wasn't in my bed", Aaron confessed. Drawing in a deep breath he fought to steady himself as memories of that time with Penelope flooded his mind again. Her smile. Her eyes. Her touch. Her laugh. The taste of her kiss. Everything he loved about her came back to him all at once. Quickly Aaron turned his head toward the passenger window so David could not see the tears that had begun rolling down his cheeks.

In truth David was in no position to have noticed Aaron's tears. He stared out the windshield at the road ahead struggling to process what Aaron had just told him. The Morrison case had been years ago. Years. Had they really been together all this time?

David thought about his own relationship with Erin Strauss. They had been together a little over a year and though he treasured every moment of that time, it had not been easy. Yes, he had to admit, it had been exciting at first. But all the sneaking around had gotten old quick. Living with the strain of keeping their secret had been beyond frustrating. Erin was his and he wanted to touch her when he wanted to touch her and not care about who saw. He had wanted to speak to her in public the way that he spoke to her in private. Censoring himself had been the hardest part. If Erin had not been killed, David thought, how long could they have continued undetected? he would never know for sure.

The most ironic thing, David thought, was that Aaron had known the truth about his relationship with Strauss almost immediately. The first time he had seen Aaron after he and Strauss had spent their first night together Aaron had discretely smiled, as if reading David's mind, and when they had finally gotten a moment alone Aaron had made some sly comment and wished him all happiness, assuring David that he would do everything in his power to protect what he shared with Erin. David had been touched by that. Somehow, it had lessened the stress of keeping their secret; knowing he had an ally. Why, David thought, hadn't Aaron confided in him in return?

As if reading his mind once again Aaron said, "it wasn't just my secret to tell David. If you had seen something, or sensed something and asked me, I would have confided in you. I wouldn't have lied. I would never have been able to deny what she means to me, not to you, maybe not to anyone."

"Except for her, you mean", David said.

Aaron turned to face him then. David could tell he'd struck a nerve but they were approaching the hospital now and soon there would be no time to talk privately for awhile. "I saw her face", David said, "when you told Derek that you could die happy having known her. She hadn't known the depth of your feelings until that moment. And she was deeply effected by it, of that I am sure." David said insistantly.

"Penelope has always been in love with Derek", Aaron replied.

"Even if she thinks she loves him, Why should she?" David asked. "The boy has never once treated her like his lady. I'm not even sure he'd know what to do with a real lady in the first place, considering the type of women he chooses to keep company with."

"Derek has his reasons, I can't speak for him. He loves her, even if his actions don't always portray that." Aaron said.

"How can you defend him?" David asked, amazed at Aaron's ability to show compassion for someone who could at any moment take away the women he loved. They were approaching the hospital campus now. David could see the emergency room entrance and turned the car in that direction as Aaron answered him.

"This isn't about Derek, David, it's not about me, this is about Penelope, it's about what will make her happy. I value her happiness above anything" Aaron told him.

"Even your own?" David asked.

"Yes", was all Aaron said and with that he opened the car door and was gone into the emergency room before David had a chance to reply.

'But', David thought out loud, "What if you are what makes her happy?"

*****Sorry for the short chapter again. I have an outline now(thanks handsome-uks for the suggestion) so it should be eaiser for me to keep things flowing as I know what each chapter should contain. I know you are all anxious to know Garcia's condition but don't worry I don't write Character death. Well at least I would never kill PG she is and always will be my Fav.**


	13. Waiting

Aaron had his hand in his pocket and his credentials were out before he'd reached the Emergency Room check-in desk. He held them high enough to be seen by all as he approached.

"I'm Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner of the F.B.I.; one of my people came in by ambulance a few moments ago and I need an immediate update on her condition," Aaron's 'official voice' announced to everyone behind the desk.

"What is the patient's name?" a forty something nurse in light green scrubs asked him.

"Penelope", Aaron swallowed hard to keep his voice from breaking as he repeated, "Penelope Garcia".

"Let me see", the nurse replied, typing Penelope's name into her computer. The clicking of the keys on the nurse's keyboard immediately conjured up an image of Penelope in Aaron's mind. He could just hear her bantering in his ears, while she dazzled him with her speed in finding whatever obscure piece of information would somehow break their case wide open.

The nurse's voice broke his train of thought. "I see she was brought in with severe head trauma, possible intracranial bleeding. She was taken immediately up to neurosurgery".

Intracranial bleeding? Neurosurgery? Aaron sucked in a steadying breath. "What.. Where … I … " he stammered, not really knowing the question he needed to ask to get the only piece of information he really cared about, "Will she be ok?" he finally managed, his voice barely audible.

"The agent that came in with her is in the surgery waiting room on the third floor. Why don't I take you up to wait with him?" she said, compassion filling her tone as she came around the desk to take Aaron's arm at the elbow and lead him to the elevator behind them. When they arrived on the third floor she said, "I'll see that a doctor updates you both the second there is any information available."

With that the nurse left and Aaron looked up to find himself alone, except of course for Derek, in the empty waiting area. There was a moment, when Aaron's eyes first locked with Derek's when the room felt charged by the emotions between them. Perhaps they could have tried to sit there silently, each pretending the other did not exist while they waited for word on Penelope's condition but they had shared too much respect for each other for too long to behave so childishly now.

"Derek." Aaron said acknowledging him. Aaron took the initiative to speak first wanting to make Derek aware that he was comfortable with conversing if wished too. Aaron's gesture immediately lessened the tension between them. Derek rose from his chair as Aaron moved toward him. Aaron gestured for Derek to remain seated as he took the seat across the aisle from him.

"Do you know what happened? How she got hurt?" Derek asked him.

"David said she fainted" Aaron told him.

"Fainted?" Derek asked, "She was fine, why would she just faint? She's not…"Derek hesitated then asked, "She's not like pregnant or anything right?" Aaron could tell Derek feared the answer and in some sadistic way that pleased him.

"Not that you have a right to this information Derek but, Penelope and I haven't made love in probably 5 months or how every long ago it was that you were caught up with that barista, Jasmine."

Derek dropped his head into his hands. Jasmine, the barista, that relationship' hadn't lasted long. Knowing that his fling with her had driven Penelope to take comfort in Aaron's arm wounded Derek deeply. "I've messed this all up", he finally said.

"Yes", Aaron agreed, "Yes you have."

Derek didn't look up, he just shook his head as he spoke again, "In the last little while I've been seeing a therapist because I've come to know that something's wrong inside me Aaron, something from the abuse. I guess that I have always had something to prove to myself when it came to women. Like I was trying to prove myself a man or somethin'. It's taken my until recently to know that sleeping around doesn't make me a man, but still, I slip back into behavior , because it's easier than trying to make something last. I love her, Hotch, As much as I know of love but, I just always thought there was time to fix myself first, I never stopped to think I might be hurting her. That's the last thing I would ever want to do," Derek said as tears began falling from his eyes.

"I know that, Derek and in a way so does she, I think" Aaron said reaching out to touch Derek on the shoulder.

"What are you, man?" Derek said, looking up at Aaron after a moment. "If this thing were reversed and Baby Girl was my lover and you were sitting here crying over your love for her, I'd hit you or somethin'. I sure as hell wouldn't be offering you no comfort."

"I'm not innocent in this Derek. If she were your lover, you would have claimed her, made sure no other man had any hold on her what so ever. I didn't do that. I was too afraid of losing what we shared to press her for anything more. In that I am complicit here. " Aaron confessed.

When Derek said nothing, Aaron continued, "For now all that matters is getting her well, once she's healed, Penelope can make her choice, and you and I will have to live with that, no matter what it may be. I believe I know the man you are Derek and I respect you, despite all of this. I would hope that you respect me as well."

"I do", Derek replied, "that's what makes all this so hard, man."

"I know", Aaron agreed.

The two men set up then, hearing the elevator ding as it reached their floor. They each rose in greeting as David Rossi stepped out and walked toward them. "Any word?" he asked.

"No", they said in unison.

"We should probably call the others, they'll want to be here for her, "Aaron said.

"They know", David said.

"You called them?", Derek asked.

"No", David explained, "J.J. left her bag beside the table, they came back for it once they realized but no one was at the house so, she got worried and called me. I told her Penelope took a fall and that she had hit her head, I explained to her that we were all here at the hospital waiting for word. J.J. was shaken but she put Will on so I could tell him what I knew and he said he would call the others. They'll probably be here soon."

As if on cue, the elevator bell dinged again and out came Spencer Reid, half running down the hall to them. He was breathless when he said, "Will called me. How is she? What happened?"

Within 30 minutes the others were there as well and the summary of the nights events, lacking any of the truly important details mind you, had been relayed over and over with each new arrival. David, Aaron and Derek were all selective in the details they gave and the way the interacted with each other in front of the group. In a room full of profilers, secrets were a tricky business but for Penelope's sake and their own of course, each of these men were careful to keep theirs.

It was approaching 2:00 am when the surgery doors finally opened and a doctor approached their group. "Aaron Hotchner?" he asked. No one thought it curious that Aaron was listed as Penelope's emergency contact, after all she had no close family.

Aaron stepped forward, saying nothing, he simply looked at the surgeon expectantly.

"Ms. Garcia is out of surgery." The doctor said.

"What's her condition?" Aaron asked, putting the official tone back into his voice.

"She fractured her skull when her head impacted the stone. There was as we feared, intracranial bleeding, we've managed to get that under control. Her condition is still very serious and she remains in a comatose state. We will know more when she regains consciousness .For now all we can do is wait." The doctor explained.

*****2 chapters in 1 day :) I hope you all like them, more details than action I know but all necessary to get us were we want to go. Please review and let me know how you feel about the path I have these characters headed down. Good or bad, I appreciate the reviews, they help me grow.**


	14. Chapter 14

Almost 24 hours later Penelope was moved from observation and set up in a room. Everyone had been home and changed, slept a bit and returned by then, everyone except Derek and Aaron, that is. Derek had not moved from his post in the waiting room (except for the world's fastest trip to the men's room). Aaron had called Jack's aunt, explained that a member of his team had been hurt and she had assured him Jack was well taken care off. After that he had found a nurse, had assured him that she would find him if Penelope's condition changed and had pointed him in the direction of the hospital chapel. That was where he had spent nearly every moment since. Though Aaron believed in God and prayer, he did not pretend to be "deeply" religious but Penelope however was. Being in the Chapel brought Aaron comfort, believing that if it were he who had been injured, Penelope would here, holding vigil for him.

Once Penelope has been set up in a room, everyone went up to see her; though hospital policy made them see her one at a time. Derek of course, was the first one in. He took her hand in his and kissed the back of it, never releasing it the whole time he remained with her. He didn't speak more than tell her he was there and that he loved her, wanted to save the true volume of his words for when her eyes opened again. After a few moments a nurse entered, checking Penelope's vitals she softly suggested that Derek keep his visit brief and allow his friends to see her as well. Reluctantly Derek obeyed though he never left the doorway, no matter who was in with Penelope.

When it was Aaron's turn to visit, Derek felt like a heel for listening in but he could not bring himself to step back from the door. He watched as Aaron took Penelope's hand and kissed it in much the same way he had. He saw Aaron sit beside Penelope on the bed and stroke her face as he spoke to her.

"Forgive me." Aaron said his voice heavy with tears.

Derek again tried to step back then and allow this man some small bit of privacy in his pain but his feet refused to obey him.

"I've been a coward" he heard Aaron say, "I accused Derek of not stepping up but in truth I haven't stepped up to claim you either. I have always known what you wanted and I've been afraid to face it, afraid of losing something so precious to me. The three of us are all guilty of that," he said sadly.

Aaron kissed the back of her hand again as he continued speaking to her, "Wake up now Penelope. Wake up for us. Wake up for him if that's what it takes. I promise that I will not interfere with the two of you. Just wake up and be happy, that's all I want Penelope" he concluded.

With that Aaron stood, gently replaced Penelope's hand on the bed beside her body and left the room. He briefly made eye contact with Derek as he brushed past him in doorway, though neither man spoke. Aaron walked to the nurse's station, left instructions for them to call him at the slightest change in her condition, and all but ran out of their view, not able to hold his composure around the others a moment longer. Not yet able to return home and face being composed around Jack, Aaron returned to the hospital chapel, where he could continue his private vigil for Penelope.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Aaron had been the last of their group to visit Penelope. Everyone had taken a few moments to be at her side except David, who had refused to enter her room. Instead he stood looking at her from the doorway for a moment and then excused himself, leaving the hospital without another word to anyone.

After the others had all said their goodbyes, insisting he call the moment there was any news, Derek reentered Penelope's room. Pulling a chair close beside the bed, Derek settled into it and took Penelope's hand in his again.

Derek had always loved the warmth of Penelope's hand in his. It was funny because holding a girl's hand had never been that big of a deal to him, he'd always had his sights on the bigger prize but, with Penelope, the simple gesture had always been something he treasured. Sometimes at night when they were curled up watching a movie on her couch, Derek would reach out and slid his hand into hers. Often the feel of that tiny contact between them would completely distract him from the show and he'd have to fake his way through whatever comments Penelope made about it at the end.

Holding her hand now, Derek focused on the warmth of her flesh and the rhythm of her pulse beat beneath it. It was those things that kept him sane as he watched her lying so still and pale in her hospital bed. This was so unlike the Penelope he knew. She was always so full of life and motion. Even on the occasions he had seen her sleep, she had never laid still. He remembered thinking , as he watched from the floor, while she slept on the bed beside him, during their case in Alaska, that they would have to get a California King size bed once they were together, or she would for sure knock him on the floor in the middle of the night. Of course he could get used to having her rolling all over him as he slept. That thought brought the first smile Derek had allowed himself.

Derek yawned and stretched, all at once realizing how tired his body was. He had not slept very well the night before Erin's memorial, anxious to have the day behind him. He had picked up Penelope and taken her to service and they had all gone to David's afterwords which of course, was where all of the truly trying event of the day had begun. Penelope had been hurt and rushed here and Derek had not closed his eyes for one single moment since. Pulling the chair even closer to Penelope's bed, Derek laid his head on her. Staring up at her beautiful face, still clasping her hand in his, he lay still and waited for the moment when her gorgeous eyes would finally flutter open. The gentle rhythm of her breathing rocked him and without realizing it his heavy eyelids closed as sleep finally overtook him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX X

The world around Penelope felt foggy as she struggled to open her eyes. She felt the warmth of someone near her but she had no idea who would be so close. Slowly her eye lids rose. Before her she saw the most attractive man so could imagine, lying against her as he slept. His hand held her close to his face, a face that looked like it could be a model's , straight off the pages of any magazine.

Penelope's head throbbed softly. Maybe that was why her thoughts seemed to spin uncontrollably inside her brain. This kind, sweet, beautiful face before her was all at once familiar and yet completely foreign. Who was this man? Her thoughts swam again as she tried to lay hold on his name. She must know him, he obviously knew her. But somehow, the harder she tried to place the face before her, the more the name attached to it escaped her. She reached out her free hand to touch the top of his head, hoping somehow the contact would jar her memory.

Feeling a hand touch the top of his head, the man opened his eyes. Looking up he caught sight of Penelope, eyes opened wide, staring down at him. That seemed to be all the motivation he needed. Without a thought he kissed her, sighing deeply at the spark of feeling that greeted him with the contact.

Penelope was too stunned to speak as the man before her suddenly kissed her lips. His kiss was gentle yet insistent. Perhaps she would have even enjoyed it, if she had any idea who was kissing her. When the man finally broke away she tried to speak but he quickly placed a hand finger to her lips to silence her.

"I know we have a lot to talk about, Baby Girl", he said "but I need to go first. I love you. I know I should have said that long ago but I was afraid of messing us up by trying to make us more but, I can't do that anymore, I can't live half a life waiting for the perfect time when I can be the man you deserve. I can't live without you, and I don't want to try. I wanted to be with you every moment, I want to share everything with you. I love you Penelope Garcia and I want you to marry me. Please say you'll be my wife."

The man's face was so sincere, his words so heartfelt Penelope hated to say the only words her mind could conjure up, "Maybe I'll marry you", she said, "once you tell me who you are."


	15. Chapter 15

Penelope could tell by the look on his face that he did not believe her at all. He smiled and laughed and kissed her again, as he accused her of being a tease.

"You don't need to tease me like that, Penelope. I understand if you're not ready to give me an answer now", he said "but, I wanted to put it out there right off, so you knew were my head is at."

Penelope just stared at him, searching his sweet, bewildered face for some idea of what this man's name was. Surprisingly, she felt calm. She should be freaking out; shouldn't she? Her head hurt, she was certainly in a hospital bed with no idea as to how or why she had gotten there, and a stranger was sitting far too close to her, touching her, and kissing her very intimately. Yet she wasn't panicking. Why wasn't she panicking?! Maybe it was because he didn't feel like a stranger?

He was sitting almost on top of her, touching her with both hands now, yet she didn't feel uncomfortable, the way she would with a stranger. This man felt familiar. He felt comfortable. His touch was gentle and warm. His kiss had been deliciously sweet and soft yet full of a passion he obviously felt for her. She had felt a small spark in those kisses too but, if he had ever kissed her before that moment, she truly had no recollection of it.

Her mind raced, seeking information but finding nothing but fog. Who was this man? Her eyes roamed over him, looking for any scrap of recollection. She looked down and studied his hands, which he had entwined in hers. They were strong hands. She liked the way they felt holding hers. She wondered to herself what other parts of her those hands had touched but no memories came to mind at the thought.

Her eyes traveled back up his arms to looking into his face again. As she searched his face she thought how handsome he was. His smile could melt any girl's heart. But it was more than just his physical appearance that made him beautiful. His voice, even when he had been almost shouting his declaration of love at her, had been warm and gentle, wrapping itself around her and pulling her in. His kind eyes were full of light and life and she could see his every emotion reflected in their depths.

As she starred into those eyes, his smile slowly started to fade and she could see the reality that she was telling him the truth was finally dawning on him. The look in his eyes became one of fear and loss that broke her heart to see. She truly did not know him but everything inside of her wanted to protect this man from even the slightest hurt, and she found herself wondering if she had always felt that way about him.

As she searched her fuzzy brain for the answer to that question, he rose from her bed, backing away from her towards the door but, never taking his eyes off her for a moment. He opened the door and without looking to even see if there was someone there to hear him, he called for a nurse to come quickly. The nurse, who responded, took only a moment to listen as the man explained that she had come away but did not seem to know him before she summoned for the doctor on call.

When the doctor arrived, he ordered the man to step back, which he did, though she could tell he was reluctant too. Somehow she was also reluctant to let him step away. Without him holding her hand, fear started to creep into her mind. What was happening to her?

The doctor began to speak. He was an older man, whose voice was calm and slow.

He said, "I can't tell you how good it is to see you up and awake so soon, my dear."

"Are you my doctor?" Penelope asked.

"I'm Dr. Bauer; I'm a Neurologist on staff here at the hospital. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?" He said.

"I'm not totally sure I'll know the answers, but we can try", she replied

"Do you know your name?" He asked.

"Penelope… Penelope Garcia. But I'm not sure if I knew that before he said it to me." She said, pointing past the doctor at the man, whose name she still did not know.

"Ok, do you know his name?" the doctor said.

Penelope shook her head.

"My name is Derek." the man said.

"Derek." Penelope repeated.

Just then the door behind Derek opened and a man stepped into the room. He was tall, with dark hair and eyes, older than Derek she would guess but still young by anyone's standards. He was handsome too but in a totally different way than Derek was. His looks were subtle, but no less striking and she found herself staring at him. There was something about this man's face that made it impossible for her to look away. He eyes had sought her out the moment he had entered the room and when they had locked with hers, Penelope had felt a jolt of recognition run through her. She searched her mind for memories of him, but just as before; with Derek; nothing solid appeared. There was just a feeling that she couldn't quite put a name to.

The man spoke, "I was in the Chapel and the nurse came and got me. I'm so happy your awake, Penelope." His voice seemed a bit breathless, as though he had run the whole distance from the Chapel to her door and now struggled to regain himself.

"I'm glad too" was all Penelope could think to say.

"Do you know who this man is? "She heard the doctor ask her.

Penelope searched her mind again. What was his name? She knew him, she was sure of that. He was important, she was sure of that too. But no, she thought, shaking her head in answer to the doctor, she did not know his name.

The man's face looked stunned as he turned to Derek for confirmation.

"She doesn't know me either, man" she heard Derek say.

The man turned back to her. As the doctor spoke, "This is Agent Hotchner; I understand he's your boss."

'My boss?' Penelope thought. Was that why he seemed important to her? "Maybe' she thought but a feeling of doubt pulled at the back of her mind.

"I'm Aaron," Agent Hotchner said stepping toward her "yes I am your boss but, we are also friends. I was very worried about you."

"Where you praying for me?" she asked, "Was that why you were in the Chapel?"

"Yes", he replied softly, "Yes, I was praying for you." He touched her arm as he said those words, running his fingers down it to take her hand. His touch was light, casual even, but fire burned Penelope's skin were ever his fingertips had touched her. Looking in his eyes, she was sure she saw the fire she felt reflecting in them too but then he looked away, to glance over at Derek, and when he looked back, no trace of that fire remained.

Aaron dropped her hand as quickly as a thief that had just been caught holding someone else's treasure and stepped back from the bed to stand on the opposite side of the doctor.

"Do you know the date, Penelope?" The doctor's question brought Penelope's attention back to focus on him.

"It's May." She answered.

"It's July, actually" the doctor corrected, "Do you know the year?"

"2013" Penelope replied.

"Good" Dr. Bauer said.

"Did I get that right?" Penelope asked, looking up at Aaron and then Derek for confirmation.

"Yes, Penelope. It is 2013" the doctor replied.

"What's wrong with me?" Penelope asked. The slightest bit of fear was starting to creep in again.

"You've suffered a head trauma. I believe you fell while attending a memorial service for a co-worker who died recently," the doctor looked back at Derek and Aaron for confirmation. When the men nodded he continued, "I believe the traumatic injury, at what would be most certainly have been an emotional time, has triggered some long-term memory loss."

"Long-term memory loss? Is it permanent? Will my memory come back?"

"In most cases, the memories will return with time." The doctor said.

"How long are we talking, doc?" she heard Derek ask.

"Every case is different, but from the CT Scans that were done earlier, I am certain that there is no permanent injury causing this lapse in memory" the doctor explained "So, I believe once we get you healed enough to return home and you are surrounded by familiar things, your memories will return given enough time."

Somehow Penelope did not feel reassured.

"How long before she can go home, Doctor" Aaron asked.

"A few days" Dr. Bauer said, "providing that she will have someone there with her to assist her."

"She lives alone." Aaron stated.

"I can stay with her." Derek immediately offered.

Penelope began to protest, being here with Derek had been just fine but did she want him with her in her home? With her 24 hours a day? Something about that made her hesitate. It wasn't that she didn't trust Derek; instinctively she felt she could trust this man. But there was still something that made her want to protest his moving in to take care of her.

"It will be ok, Baby Girl" Derek began before she could protest. He came forward and took her hand. "In a few days, we will get you home, I'll be right there with you and you'll have all you're stuff around you and the memories will come rushing back into that pretty little head of yours, you'll see and then everything will be ok. I promise."

Though she was listening to Derek's words, her eyes looked beyond him to Aaron's face. Doubts swirled around her. Aaron's eyes locked with hers and he nodded as if to confirm the truth that everything would in fact be ok. And for some reason, Penelope could not explain, Aaron's simple gesture reassured her more than any of the doctor's or even Derek's words.

*******Hello all, sorry for the posting delays. Lots of work makes no time for play unfortunately. I hope you are all enjoy the direction this story is heading. All your reviews have been so encouraging. Truly love you all!**


	16. Chapter 16

The doctor and nurses had insisted that Derek and Aaron leave Penelope to sleep, which strangely seemed to both terrify and relieve her all at once. Derek's presence when she woke up had felt right to her, even though she did not remember him, it was like somehow she had still been expecting him to be there. Then the other man had appeared, Aaron, she reminded herself, Aaron had appeared and that had felt right too. It had taken everything she had to agree with the doctor that both men looked as though they needed a good night sleep and insist that they go home and leave her to rest.

Derek had protested quite loudly, insisting that being alone was the last thing she needed and that they would both sleep so much better, if the doctor would just allow him to stay. Penelope could tell he believed every word that he was saying and the tone of his voice had told her that he could not bear the thought of leaving . On instinct she placed a hand on either side of his face softly and said, "Please Lover, go home and rest for me, you'll need your strength, to be my hero again tomorrow." What had possessed her to say that, she had no idea but, it had worked and Derek had agreed to go home and rest but, he'd said, he go only because she had asked him too.

Aaron had not said a word in protest when the doctor ordered both he and Derek to leave. He had stood quietly in the background while Derek put up his fight and it was only after Derek began to leave that Aaron stepped toward her bed again. Again he'd said nothing, though Penelope could feel his desire to protest and the look in his eyes had plainly told her that leaving was the last thing he wanted to do. He bent toward her and Penelope had been entirely sure he meant to kiss her lips, but at the last second instead he'd kissed her softly on the forehead, whispering "Sweet Dreams, Penelope" as he did.

The gesture though beautifully sweet had left her puzzled. Derek was her man, right? He'd proposed marriage to her within sixty seconds of her opening her eyes so they must be a couple. But if they were, why had she been so sure Aaron was going to kiss her? And more confusing yet was why she had felt so disappointed when he didn't?

Penelope had raised her hand to touch Aaron in that moment when he'd kissed her but he had stepped back quickly, as if he had been anticipating her move and was consciously working to avoid it. That too had left her feeling disappointed and confused. Her fingers had itched to touch him.

The two men had left her room, followed by Dr. Bauer and the nurse. And while Penelope had not relished the idea of being alone in this hospital room all night, she also felt a deep need for quiet and space to try and sort through the fog surrounding her brain. These men were so familiar to her, the feelings each invoked were so real, yet she could not put her finger on one single solid thing she knew about either of them. It was so frustrating! She kept thinking that if she just tried a bit harder, reached out just a little bit more, she would be able to grab hold of her memories and pull them back to her but so far all she was getting for her efforts was an even greater pounding in her head.

Penelope lay back and closed her eyes, determined to think of nothing, absolutely nothing, long enough for the medication the doctor had prescribed for her to work and pounding of her head to subside. In time sleep overtook.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Someone was laughing. Who? Penelope could not remember who. She could hear the man's laugh, deep and rich in her ears. Instantly Penelope loved the sound. She could feel the warmth of hands on her skin, he was touching her. Who was touching her? Penelope didn't know, she fought to open her eyes, hoping to see him. She heard the man's voice, distant now, as if somehow he was too far away for her to hear it clearly. But how could that be? When she could still feel his hands, his lips on her? The voice remained distant, low but she thought she heard "beautiful" and "delicious", then "magnificent" and "stunning" among the words that were said as she felt kisses lavished upon skin. She felt her body react to this man. A low moan escaped her lips.

"Penelope?" Derek said shaking her gently.

Startled, Penelope opened her eyes. Where was she? Derek sat beside her, a look of worry on his face.

"You were moaning in your sleep. Are you ok? Does your head hurt " he asked

"Yes" she lied, "Yes, it hurts so much. Derek, could you please go and get the nurse? Ask her to bring me something for the pain. Please?"

"Of course, Baby Girl, I'll be right back" he replied as she expected he would. She hated to lie or worry him but she needed a moment. She'd been asleep. Had she been dreaming? No, it had to have been a memory! It had felt so real! Her skin was alive with his touch. But whose touch was it? Derek's? Who else's could it be? He wanted to marry her, of course they were lovers, right?

She could no longer clearly remember the laugh that filled her mind. Had it been Derek's? Had those been his hands, his lips, his words, igniting the fire she felt inside her even now? Yes, it was true that she'd found his kisses yesterday to be pleasurable but this had been so much more. Maybe the pain medication she had been given had lowered her inhibitions, making her response feel more intense? Somehow she doubted that.

Derek and the nurse entered the room then, stopping her thoughts in their tracks.

"Mr. Morgan says you are in a great deal of pain" the nurse said.

Should she lie again? Penelope thought.

"I came in and she was lying in bed, moaning and writhing" Derek said to the nurse, his voice full of concern as he sat down on the edge of the bed and took hold of both her hands.

Penelope really had no choice but to lie. "My head was hurting, the feeling was very intense" she said, stammering over the last words. "But, it seems to be subsiding now, I'm sorry if I scared you Derek."

"Don't worry about me, Baby Girl, you're what matters here" he said kissing the back of her hand. The feel of his lips on her skin sent little tingles up her already sensitized flesh.

"Would you still like me to give you some more pain medications, Ms. Garcia?" the nurse asked.

"No," Penelope replied, "I'm working hard to clear my head. I don't want to take anything that might make it even foggier."

"I understand but if the pain returns, use your call button and I will bring you something right away. You've had a serious injury and underwent emergency surgery, there's no need so you to endure more right now. It won't help you regain your memories if your body is feeling stressed" the nurse told her.

"I understand. And I promise I will call you if it becomes anything I can't handle" Penelope replied.

"Ok, then I'll leave you too alone" she said heading toward the door. "Oh by the way, we had several calls asking if you can have visitors, you seem to have some very dear friends who are worried about you."

"Yeah" Derek said, "my cell phone has been ringing non-stop, Baby Girl. Everyone is anxious to see your sweet face but I told them they would have to wait".

"Dr. Bauer thinks it would be a good idea, if you're feeling up to it that is, to let them all come up and see you. Only one or two at a time of course but, the more you are surrounded by familiar people, the sooner your memory should return." The nurse said.

"Yes" Penelope said, "I want to see my friends".

"Good. I'll start telling people they can come" the nurse said as she left the room.

Derek was still sitting close, holding her hands. She looked down at their hands. Only then did she notice the small shoe box that had been placed on the bed with her.

"What's that?" she asked.

Derek released her hands, picking up the small box, he moved it between them. "Just a few things from your apartment. I thought maybe having something of your own might make you a bit more comfortable at least, if not jog the pretty little memory of yours. Oh, and I brought your 'Go Bag'", he told her.

"My 'Go Bag'?" Penelope asked.

"Sometimes, in our line of work, we have to leave on a trip right away so, we all keep a bag ready, essential stuff, you know, clothes, tooth brush, etc. I thought you'd like to have your own things. Not that you don't look stunning in that classy blue hospital gown" he teased.

"That was so thoughtful of you Derek. Thank you." Penelope gushed. "I can't wait to look at what's in the box but, if you don't mind, I'd really love to change into something of mine. Can you give me a minute of privacy?"

"Of course, Baby Girl. I can step outside if you like. Or I can always stay and help you change, I'll close my eyes and I promise not to peek too much," he said, teasing her again.

"I think I can manage alone," Penelope said, playfully pushing him off her bed. She liked the easiness she felt with him. Everywhere around her was uncertainty, but yet she was comfort teasing with this man, as though they weren't sitting on her hospital bed and she wasn't unable to recall a single detail of her life before a day ago. How strange this all was; she thought as he left the room to let her change.

Penelope uncovered her legs and sat up on the bed. She still felt a bit week and did really want to rush herself for fear of falling again yet, she was eager to feel her own clothes on her skin again. She lifted her bag onto the bed in front of her, undoing the zipper , she caught the first whiff of lilacs. When the bag came open she saw them, three blossoms, freshly cut and sitting atop her neatly piled clothes. How sweet! she thought, lifting them to her face , she breathed in the scent, truly smiling at the joy the simple gift had brought her.

Taking the water pitcher off the table beside her bed, she arranged the flowers neatly in it and replaced it on the bed side table, where she knew she would see them while she was lying in bed later. Then she began digging through the clothes. She had hoped these things would somehow bring back memories for her but instead it felt like rifling through a stranger's belongings. The things were nice, a bit flashy perhaps but that was cool. Near the bottom of the pile was her underwear, nothing sexy, just practical, necessary things, this was a work bag after all, she reminded herself. She lifted out the underwear and then picked out a soft pink pair of pajamas, with little elephants all over them and made her way into the bathroom to change. After a few moments she opened the bathroom to door, fully dressed and feeling infinitely more comfortable to find Derek sitting on her bed again.

"There's my Sexy Girl", he said, smiling at her. He rose to allow her to regain her place in bed, taking her arm to help her as she got closer. "Feel more like yourself now?" he asked.

"Well, I still don't remember anything but I do feel much more human. Thank you again for my bag. It's nice having things that fit me. Oh, and the flowers were such a nice touch, everything smells like lilacs, which is far better than the disinfectant smell that seemed to permeate everything around here" she said.

"Flowers?" he asked.

Penelope gestured to the lilacs on the table that Derek hadn't seemed to notice before, "they were in my bag", she said. "Didn't you put them there?"

"Uh" Derek stammered, "no Baby Girl, I didn't even think to open the bag, since I know what you keep it there would be exactly what you'd need. J.J. must have put them in, I mentioned I'd be bringing you the bag when she called to see what she could do to help."

"J.J.?" Penelope asked, unfamiliar with the name.

"Your best girlfriend" Derek told her. "She was here the first night but her son is small and he needed her at home but she's been calling to check on you like every five minutes I swear. Your bag was in your office so she could have easily put them in, knowing that they are your favorite this time of year."

"I knew that", Penelope said, her voice almost triumphant.

"That's good, Penelope", he said "That's progress right?"

"I knew they were my favorite but I'm not sure that I remembered a moment when I thought that or anything, I just kind of knew the second I smelled them."

"That's ok, it's still positive that you were sure about something, right?" he said. She could tell he was trying hard to be encouraging.

"Why don't we look at your things now?" he said, placing the box in front of her on the bed as he took a seat on the foot of it.

"Ok" Penelope said, trying to sound cheery. In truth she was scared that the contents of that box would be like her bag, other chance to rifle through a stranger's things.

Derek lifted the lid off of the shoe box and put it aside. Penelope gazed down into it, examining the contents before daring to reach in a hand and touch anything. There were a few small photo frames as well as a stack of loose pictures lying on right on top. Derek reached in and removed them. The first framed picture was them, Derek with his arm around her, mugging for the camera, it looked like it was taken at a party of some kind.

"Do you know this one?" Derek asked expectantly.

Penelope touched the picture, rubbing her thumb across the image, she searched her brain for some small recollection but nothing came. She shook her head.

"That's alright, Baby Girl, give it time" he said, "This one was your Christmas, we had a little party at my place and J.J. snapped his picture of us. And this one" he said, putting the next frame in front of her, "was your birthday. We all went out to dinner at this little sushi place you like and even Reid had some, that's Reid there," Derek pointed to a tall young man who looked a little ill in the picture. "of course he claimed he was sick after and started spouting off all kind of facts about the dangerous of consuming raw seafood. Typical Reid", Derek laughed.

Penelope just nodded. She wanted so badly to remember but the people smiling back at her could have been strangers, she knew none of their names, except of course for Derek's and Aaron's who were standing on either side of her in the picture. She was suddenly overwhelmed by sadness and turned the picture face down on the bed before hiding her face in her hands.

"What's wrong, Baby Girl?" Derek asked, reaching out to take her hands away from her face.

"Take them away", she said, crying for the first time since she'd woken up unable to remember.

"Penelope" he said.

"Take them away, Derek and you go away too" she said through her tears.

"I'm not leaving you like this Penelope" he insisted.

"Please Derek" her voice pleaded with him, "I'm tired and confused and scared and I just want to be alone for a while. "

"Penelope…" he started to say but she pushed him away.

"Derek , I just can't put on happy face anymore right now, not even for you. If you love me the way you say you do, you'll understand and just let me be for a minute" she said before turning her face into the pillow and completely dissolving into a puddle of tears.

******I hope you all enjoy this. I enjoyed writing it for you. Love your reviews good or bad they make this all worth while :)**


	17. Chapter 17

_*****sorry for the long delay in posting this dear readers. I hope the length may make up for that. I am working hard to give you quantity (and quality) with each new post and that is unfortunately taking longer than expected. Thank you handsome-uks for some inspiration and a few borrowed words :) I hope you all enjoy. As always, please read and review. **_

When Penelope awoke and Derek was not beside her, which was unusual as he had been there every time she could remember waking up, she remembered her outburst and though her behavior may have been totally understandable given the situation, she immediately felt ashamed. Derek had been with her every step of this whole ordeal and he was only trying to surround her with familiar things, she should have been kinder to him. He loved her, which was obvious, even if he hadn't said it like a thousand times since she had woken up here. She should have given more thought to his feelings, she told herself.

As she looked around the room, Penelope felt entirely alone without Derek's sweet face smiling at her. What if he never came back? She knew the thought was ridiculous but it scared her all the same. The only solid memory she had so far, and that had only come to her as a dream while asleep, was tied to Derek and making love with him. He was her only anchor to anything real. She needed him here with her.

Penelope scanned the room again, trying to find something to occupy her mind, other than the fear she felt in being so alone. He eyes fell on the box Derek had brought in earlier. It was still sitting on the table beside her bed, next to the lilacs that had been in her suitcase.

Penelope reached for the box. Lifting the lid she again saw the photos that she had looked at with Derek earlier. This time instead of expecting an immediate reaction to the pictures, she took the time to really look at them. The smile on her face in each photo seemed real. The faces around her were happy too. Other than the first two photos she had already looked at, there were dozens more, every one of them included her of course and Derek as well as a variety of other people that she was sure must be her closest friends. The same faces stared back at her from every snapshot. The hairstyles and closed seemed to change, telling her the photos had been taken over a long period of time but the "friends" around her in each were always the same. That comforted Penelope. It told her that even if she didn't feel like she knew anyone right now, there where people out there that knew her and from the look of these photos, loved her.

By the time Penelope had looked through all the photos she was feeling better. She didn't understand the significance of the other little mementos that Derek had included with the photos in the box but they were all happy little things that spoke of sunny times. She felt certain her life before her fall had been good and in that Penelope found peace. She decided then and there that she would move forward, with or without memories, she would go on, instead of sitting here waiting for the moment when her whole life suddenly came rushing back.

She was congratulating herself for that decision when the door to her room opened and Derek poked his head inside.

"Hey there Beautiful Girl", he said, "You are looking better. Can I come in?"

"Yes, please", Penelope replied.

Derek entered the room. Penelope noticed he was holding something behind his back but before she could question him, he made his way to her bed and kissed her hello. The kiss was quick but deep and it stole the thoughts from her brain and question from her lips.

"I'm sorry if it felt like I pushed you earlier, Baby Girl", he said.

"You didn't, Derek. I was pushing myself…" Penelope started but Derek interrupted her and continued.

"It just that you are the most important person to me and right now I'm feeling like maybe I haven't always treated you that way. I was a fool to take so long trying to be perfect for you. It just never dawned on me that you could... I don't know... want me, the me with all this baggage, as much as I wanted you. Then you fell, and there was so much blood and it reminded me how little time we actually have." He paused then and Penelope thought about speaking but something inside her told her he needed to finish.

"And I'm sorry for pushing" He said, "I know I went all SSA Derek Morgan on you but maybe I'm not thinking straight 'cause I love you and I hope you choose to be with me in the end."

"Choose?" Penelope asked quietly to herself.

"It will make sense when you get all you memories back… but till then..."

"Let's not stress," she said finishing his sentence, surprising herself that she could even do that. "You didn't, Derek. I was pushing myself, but I've stopped now. I'm not going to get my memory back if I am stressing myself over it every second. If I lost my memory as my minds way of protecting me from trauma then relaxing and going with the flow is what I need to do get it back." Penelope told him.

"That sounds like a good plan to me," Derek said.

He pulled the chair up close to her bed again and said, "I have a treat for you."

Derek pulled a picnic basket from behind his back and sat it on the bed in front of her.

"Oh!" Penelope exclaimed, "You brought me yummy treats, I hope."

"That I did, Baby Girl. That I did!" Derek replied, opening the basket. "I as planning on bringing you a latte to wash this all down with but after all these years together, I know better then to try and get your coffee order right. Honestly, I think J.J. maybe the only person on earth that could pull off that miracle."

"Oh... well that's ok Derek, I doubt I would have realized it wasn't right anyway so you might have gotten a pass on that one." she teased him. Looking into the basket she asked, "Are these all my favorite treats?"

"Maybe. But maybe we should forget about what you liked before, and just figure out what you like right now." Derek told her.

"Even better" Penelope replied, the smile on her face broadening.

The first box Derek put in front of her smelled Heavenly. Penelope opened it to find a delicious looking piece of Peach Cobbler nestled inside. Derek handed her a fork. Penelope tasted the sweet treat. It was good. Peachy and warm and comforting but there was something about it that didn't taste quite right. The look on Penelope's face must have betrayed her thoughts.

"Something wrong?" Derek asked.

"No," Penelope replied, "It's delicious but, it tastes different than I expected I guess."

Derek laughed. "My mom makes Peach Cobbler. The first time she came down to D.C. after you and I met I came home after being in court testifying all day to find you two in my kitchen. I guess Mama had decided I didn't get home for peach cobbler enough so she was teaching you how to make it for me. Now, you are one hell of a cook Baby Girl, but before then anyway, you must have been a pretty lousy baker 'cause there was flour and sugar everywhere and you were both giggling like little girls over something. And I never did find out what happened that was so damn funny. But, that was some fine peach cobbler we had that night. Anyway, you have always said that Mama's is the best in the world and everyone else's, even yours, is just a cheap imitation."

"That's how this tastes, like imitation cobbler!" She exclaimed. "At least my taste buds have their memory", Penelope laughed.

"It's so good to hear you laugh, Pen," Derek said, "I've missed the sound of your laugh so much." His voice held an almost wistful tone.

"What else you got in that basket, handsome?" she teased, trying to lighten the moment.

"Oh just wait, Baby Girl, I have all kinds of treats in store for you," he teased her in return.

Over the next hour Derek pulled tempting treats of all kinds out of the basket he had brought Penelope. They tasted and talked, teased and laughed their way through each of them. Penelope watched Derek as he fished into his magic basket for yet another tempting morsel and thought to herself, 'I like this man'. Whatever they had shared before, Penelope could only imagine but right now in this moment, she was enjoying time with someone she truly cared for. Of course she liked his looks, every woman must but, she more than that she was beginning to like the man beneath those looks. He was kind, thoughtful and gentle with her. He had been there with her every moment that she could remember and he'd asked nothing of her in return. He had taken the time to arrange all of this just for her and it made her feel special.

Penelope thought about what the doctor had said and how she could go home tomorrow night, if there was someone there with her. She had no fear of going home with this man. In fact, the more she thought about it, the more comforted she felt that he would be there with her. She looked forward to spending more time with him and maybe exploring a little more of what they must have shared before she'd hit her head. She was about to tell him that when he produced one last container from his basket and held it out to her. Even before she took it, Penelope could smell the amazing aroma of what was inside.

"Yum", she said, "What is it?"

"Open it," Derek told her.

Taking the container, Penelope opened it to find the most decadent looking Devil's food cake inside. It was topped with a thick layer of chocolate frosting that made Penelope's mouth water.

"This one must have been my all-time favorite," Penelope said.

"Actually, I've never seen you eat it before. We go to Mariana's cafe all the time and though I've always suggested we get it, you always insist on something else." Derek said

"Don't I like chocolate?" Penelope asked puzzled.

"You love it. In fact, I've always teased you about it but you always just put me off and say that 'an indulgence like that is meant for only very special moments'", he said.

Penelope looked down at the treat in her hand; she could almost taste the sinfully rich frosting on her tongue. Impulsively she reached out and took a finger full of the rich dark icing and stuck it in his mouth, impatient to taste it. She was anticipating the decadence of it, but when she put the finger in her mouth to taste it, she was immediately disappointed. Somehow it wasn't as delicious as she had believed it would be. Penelope closed the lid and put the box down on the table.

"Don't you like it?" Derek asked.

"I don't know", Penelope replied, "Somehow I imagined the flavor to be richer, more satisfying than it is. I guess I must have had better."

Derek shook his head, "I guess so", he said, not having any idea why the cake had been so disappointing to her.

A moment later a knock on the door startled them both.

"If you are done totally monopolizing her time, Derek Morgan, I'd like a few minutes with my very best friend," the smiling blonde Penelope knew from Derek's pictures was J.J. said.

"Hi" Penelope said, "come in."

"Pen, this is J..." Derek began.

"J.J", Penelope said, interrupting him.

"You remember?" J.J. asked hopefully.

"No, um, Derek brought me a bunch of pictures. You're in like all of them", Penelope rushed to explain.

"Yeah well, I am your best friend after all", J.J. teased, trying to make her voice sound light though she really just wanted to cry and hug the stuffing out of her best friend.

As if reading J.J.'s mind Penelope opened her arms, inviting her friend in for a hug, which J.J. practically ran across the room to accept. Unable to stop herself, J.J. began to cry. Taking that as some sort of queue that it was time for the male to leave Derek made an excuse about taking out the trash left over from of their picnic and left the two women alone.

"I'm sorry", J.J. apologized, wiping the tears off her face.

"Don't apologize" Penelope told her.

"Yeah well, Will made me promise I wouldn't blubber all over you." J.J. said.

Seeing Penelope's confused expression she added, "Will is my husband. He and Henry, our son, wanted to come too but Henry is so young and he wouldn't really understand if his favorite Aunt Penny wasn't the same around him. He adores you, probably because you spoil him more than anyone else on earth" J.J. added.

"Well, I am glad you came, even if you do 'Blubber' all over me. I wanted to thank you for my beautiful flowers," Penelope told her.

"Flowers?" J.J. asked.

"My lilacs.", Penelope said, pointing toward the flowers that still sat in the pitcher on her bed side table. "Derek suggested it was you who put them in my 'go' bag before he brought it to me."

"Oh", J.J. said walking over and touching the delicate flowers, "I wish I had, these are beautiful, and that was such a sweet gesture, but I didn't even think about doing something like that. Pretty lousy best friend, huh?"

"I bet you're a great best friend J.J., but if you didn't put them in my bag, who did?" Penelope asked.

"I bet it was one of the techies you work with. They all have access to your office; where your bag was stored. And anyway you are like their Queen after all, they all adore you." J.J. told her.

"Whoever it was, I'd love to thank them. It was such a lovely surprise." Penelope said.

"I doubt they did it for a thank you, Penelope, a gesture like that seems like it was done purely for your enjoyment." J.J. replied.

"True. So tell me everything J.J. Tell me more about what I do", Penelope laughed "I love the idea of being someone's Queen.

J.J. took a seat at the end of Penelope's bed and told her everything she could think of. She answered every question Penelope came up with and a few Penelope hadn't even thought to ask.

J.J. gave her details about every member of there their team. She started with Alex Blake, who was the newest member of their team but, who J.J. assured her was quickly becoming a real friend. J.J. then told her about Emily Prentiss, who lives in London and works with Interpol now but is still one of their best girlfriends and who would totally drop everything to be here if Penelope said she needed her. Penelope liked the idea that she had built such close relationships with the women in her life.

J.J. went on to tell her about David Rossi. J.J. said he was like the "elder statesman" of their group, gentle and kind, almost to a fault, he looked out for them all. J.J. warned her that David would call her "Kitten" though J.J. didn't know how Penelope had picked up that nickname with him. That, of course, made Penelope desperately curious to find out how.

Next J.J. described "Dr." Spencer Reid for her. She told Penelope that Spencer was the "smart" kind of doctor not the medical kind, though he probably knew enough about medicine to be that kind too, if he wanted. In fact, J.J. said, that was why he hadn't come to visit yet. J.J. assured Penelope that Spencer loved her and that he was so anxious to see her, Spencer had told her J.J. that just this morning.

He had told J.J. that he knew himself well enough to know that he would get nervous seeing Penelope in a hospital bed and start spouting off the mountain of facts he knew about memory loss and traumatic brain injuries which, though he would mean it to be comforting, would probably freak Penelope out. Upsetting her was the last thing Spencer wanted to do so he had chosen to wait till Penelope was home and visit her there, where he was sure things would go more smoothly. Penelope laughed at that, thinking how much she liked Spencer just from the little bit J.J. had told her . She told J.J. that she really couldn't wait to be home, just so that "Dr." Spence Reid would come to see her.

Lastly, J.J began to tell Penelope about their "fearless leader" Aaron Hotchner.

"Oh, I've met him." Penelope said.

"You have?" J.J. asked.

"Yes, he was here just after I woke up. He introduced himself to me but we didn't really talk. He said he was my boss but that we were also friends." Penelope told her.

"That's true", J.J. said. "Aaron may be our boss but he's always on our side, even when he's not. He's kind of like a dad you know, he has to be stern, and enforce the rules, mostly to protect us but he also cares about each of us. Even if he's yelling at you for some less than smart thing you've done, you know deep down he's still proud of you. He would do anything for us and all of us would do anything for him"

"He sounds like a good man", Penelope said.

"He is," J.J. assured her.

Derek chose that moment to return. He entered the room, pushing a wheelchair and teasing both J.J and Penelope about how their little hen party had gone on long enough. Then he announced that it high time his Baby Girl got out of this hospital room and had a little fresh air, before the sun went down. J.J. agreed with him.

Penelope loved the idea of getting out of her room for a bit, though she felt silly going in a wheelchair. Yes, her head still hurt some and she hadn't walked farther than the bathroom in days but she really felt pretty good, all things considered. Derek said the nurses had insisted on the wheelchair and if she wanted to go out, she would have to comply. Penelope was so anxious for a peek at the world outside of this room that finally agreed to go in the wheelchair and the three of them set off.

They boarded the elevator and when they had reached the ground floor, J.J. told Penelope she had to get home to Henry and Will but that she would be back tomorrow to help her get ready to go back home. After she left Derek walked Penelope around the hospital grounds. There was a lovely garden in the center of the hospital complex and they sat there together while Penelope told Derek everything she had learned during her visit with J.J.

After a while Derek could tell Penelope was getting tired and he insisted on bringing her back to her room where she could lie down for a bit. Penelope agreed to lay down only if Derek actually left and did something for himself, like go home and take a shower or something, she said. Derek had feigned offense at her implying he needed to shower for which she had playfully punched him as he helped her back into her bed. Once she was settled, Derek had kissed her goodbye, stealing her breath completely before leaving her to lay back and replay every moment of their time together today before happily drifting off to sleep.


	18. his word

It was well past normal visiting hours when Aaron entered Penelope's room. One benefit of having F.B.I. credentials, Aaron thought to himself, was that he could pretty much come and go as he pleased and very few people ever questioned him.

Even before he'd closed the door behind him, Aaron could smell the heavy sent of lilacs. His eyes searched the room for the small bouquet. Finding them nestled in the pitcher on Penelope's bed side table made him smile. The flowers grew outside his front door. Picking them for her had been an impulse. Then he'd been called into meetings with the Director and hadn't been able to visit her right away. Putting them in her "go" bag had been another impulse. So was being here in her room this late but then, if he really stopped to examine it, most of the things he'd done in regards to Penelope had been done on impulse. He knew would never regret a single impulsive moment they had shared so why should he stop acting on impulse now?

Aaron breathed deeply, filling his lungs with the aroma of the flowers. Every time Penelope had come to his home for any reasons, she had stopped to stick her nose in the lilac bush, enjoying their scent before knocking at his door. Aaron had seen her do it a few times. Remembering the look of pleasure on her face at the flower's scent was what had prompted the impulse to pick them. Their scent was so tied to Penelope in his mind.

The first time Aaron had made love to her in his bed the scent of the lilacs had still clung to her skin and hair. He had inhaled it with every breath as their bodies had joined together in passion. He could still feel her lilac scented hair spilling across his chest as she drifted off to sleep against him after their passions had been satisfied. The memory of those moments aroused him so much that he nearly moaned aloud with pleasure. His fingers itched to touch her. Aaron stepped closer to the bed. His body seemed to be moving of it's own volition know. 'That damn impulse again', he thought to himself.

Penelope lay on the her right side. Her beautiful sleeping face was turned toward him. Almost against his will his hand reached out for her; coming to rest on the perfect swell of her hip. His fingers could not resist stroking her there; then moving along to trace the inviting curve of her bottom. His hand felt so at home there. Even through the blanket that covered her and soft pajamas she wore, Aaron could feel the warmth of her beneath. At any moment her eyes could open and he would have to explain his presence in here in the middle of the night and the intimate nature of his touch but he somehow he couldn't make himself care. His body ached for her. It wasn't just the overwhelming need to make love to her that spurred his actions; it was the overwhelming need to have Her back.

Aaron missed her so much. He missed her voice in his ears. He missed her smile,which seemed to be an unending source of light in his life. He missed her laugh and the way it warmed him deep inside. He missed her touch; her every touch, from the smallest spark of warmth he felt at that brush of her fingers as she handed him a file at work to the lasting fire ignited by her hands on his flesh as she stripped the clothes from his body.

Aaron trailed his fingers further up her body until his hand rested on her waist. His mind was immediately flooded by memories of his hands encircling her waist as he brought her body to meet his. The images it brought to his mind were such sweet torture for his body. Penelope began to stir. Was it only his imagination of had she actually moved into his touch, seeking him the way his body was seeking her? A small sound escaped Penelope's lips bringing Aaron back to reality. How on earth would he explain his actions given that Penelope no longer shared the memories which prompted them? He withdrew his hand and stepped back from the bed. Turning to leave, he had only taken one step when he heard her say his name.

"Aaron?" she called, her voice little more than a whisper.

Aaron loved the sound of his name on her lips. He especially loved it hushed and sleepy, the way it was now. So many times she had called out to him from her bed like this, after he had dressed to leave. That single word, his simple name, "Aaron", always filled him with the absolute desire to undress and return to her. His need for her was overwhelming. He swallowed hard, fighting to regain control before he turned to her.

"Forgive me Penelope, I didn't mean to wake you", Aaron finally said, as he turned to face her.

"It's fine Aaron", she said sitting up in bed. "What brings you here so late?"

'I'm dying without you' his brain screamed in answer but "I just wanted to check on you", were the words that came out when Aaron opened his mouth. "I know it's past visiting hours but, I was stuck in meetings all day, we're going through a bit of transition at work right now", he explained.

"I know... that is, J.J. told me that", Penelope replied covering a yawn.

"You're tired. I should go and let you rest", Aaron said, attempting to seize the opportunity to escape.

"No, please stay, I'm fine really and I've been wanting a chance to visit with you" Penelope voice softly pleaded with him.

"You have?" he asked.

"Well, you were here after I woke up but, we didn't really have a chance to talk or anything and I could tell by your eyes that you were worried." she said.

Aaron nodded. Penelope could always read everything in his eyes, Aaron thought, that was why he'd tried so hard to regain control of his thoughts before he turned to her. What would she have thought if she had immediately been able to read his desperate need for her?

"Well, I'm glad you're here so that I can show you how much better I am", Penelope. "Other than this fog my brain is swimming in, I'm fine. The headache has faded to the point were I barely notice it now. I was even able to leave the room for a bit today,"

"You were? Aaron asked.

"Yes, after J.J. visited, Derek took me for a walk. Well, I rode in a wheelchair really but he walked." she said merrily.

"That's good", he said, tamping down the flame of jealousy he felt knowing how much time Derek had to spend here with her. The whole team had of course been ordered to take mandatory time off to deal with Erin's tragic loss. He too would have to take that time eventually but, right now there were debriefings and meetings and organizational changes he was required to be part of as their leader. Derek on the other hand, had no work obligations and so he could devote every second to Penelope. Of course, Aaron was in some way glad that Penelope was not left alone here but he could not help but envy Derek more than a little.

Penelope watched Aaron for a moment. He was obviously thinking more than he was saying. Though he had said, 'that's good' the look on his face said something else entirely. His eyes were not looking at her, instead they seemed to be focused on a spot somewhere on the wall behind her. Whatever he was picturing there had his brow furrowing deeply. "Aaron?" she whispered.

"Sorry, I was thinking about work" only half lying to her. "I'm glad you're feeling up to getting out a bit" he said. His expression was still not matching his words and it made Penelope realize she was going to have to pay much closer attention, if she wanted more than surface answers from him.

"What's that?" Penelope asked, just noticing he held a small case in his left hand.

"Oh this?" he asked, seeming to have just remembered the case himself. Stepping closer to the bed he placed the small case on her lap. "This is a gift from Jack, my..."

"Your son," Penelope said, finishing for him. "J.J. mentioned him. Where is he, since you're here with me?" she asked.

"Oh, it's his best friend Tommy's birthday tomorrow. So, Tommy's mom invited Jack and three other boys to sleep over and spend the day tomorrow." Aaron explained.

"Five small boys? Good luck Tommy's mom", Penelope quipped.

"Yes well, better her than me", he laughed at that and the smile that spread across his face stopped Penelope's heart for a moment. Aaron was a very handsome man when he smiled, she thought. He wasn't the same international-super-model handsome as Derek Morgan of course but he was definitely easy on the eyes, especially when he smiled. Suddenly she wanted very much to make him smile again.

Aaron sat beside her on the bed and unzipped the case he had placed in her hands. "Jack told me that you 'needed technology'" he said teasingly.

"A video game!" Penelope exclaimed softly, not consciously knowing why the sight of it thrilled her so much.

"One of Jack's prize possessions, so he wanted me to tell you that 'this is just a loan and he does need it back when you're feeling better." his voice was soft and teasing again. Penelope liked this less serious Aaron.

"Actually," Aaron continued, "you were the one that gave that to him in the first place."

"I did?" Penelope asked.

"Last year Jack came down with the chicken pox. He had to stay in bed and that was torture because Jack is absolutely not a stay-in-bed type kid. He was miserable until you brought him that." he answered.

Looking through the contents of the case Penelope listed off the games she found, "Soccer Hero, World Cup Wizard, FIFA Soccer Fantasy... I think I see a pattern here." Penelope teased.

"Look further:, Aaron said, "I believe there is Space Invaders and a few others in there too." Aaron's fingers rummaged through the case with hers. "See, I told you", he exclaimed pulling out Space Invaders for her. "Soccer is Jack's favorite thing on earth so of course, you gave him the best soccer games out there but I believe what you said when you gave this to him was that he 'also needed to be versed in the classics'. Jack had no idea what Space Invaders was until you turned it on for him. The two of you must have played that thing for like four hours straight that first day." Aaron laughed.

In truth, it had been closer to five hours before Aaron had been forced to put a stop to it. He loved watching Penelope interact with his son but Jack had needed to eat and rest. The three of them had shared chicken soup on Jack's bed before Aaron had ordered the boy to try to rest and stolen Penelope away for himself. They had talked in the kitchen while they cleaned out the soup dishes. Then he had invited her to stay and watch a movie with him before he cornered her against the sink and kissed the daylights out of her for being so good to Jack.

The dishes done, they had retired to his living room where Penelope picked a movie from Aaron's DVD collection and he put it on for them, though neither one watched very much of it before he pulled he close for another kiss. The movie was forgotten after that and Penelope had spent the night in his bed with him, leaving just before the dawn, so as not to have to explain themselves to Jack when he awoke.

The memories of that night sweetly replayed in Aaron's mind now as he watched her continue to examine Jack's gift. She had been so beautiful sitting there playing games with his son and even more beautiful, if that were possible, later on when it was his turn to have her attention. He had wanted her to stay past the dawn. He'd wanted to tell Jack that Penelope was important to him as more than just the friend Jack knew her to be but Aaron hadn't insisted. He hadn't wanted to push her. Why had he never pushed her? he thought, shaking his head.

"These are gre..."Penelope started to say as she looked up at him but stopped mid word as her eyes come to rest on his face. Had she missed something? The smile that had been on Aaron's face only seconds ago was gone now. In fact, he looked sad as he sat there shaking his head at something Penelope didn't understand. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing" Aaron stammered. Shaking his head again to clear his thoughts. How much had she seen in his face? he thought. "It's late, I should let you get back to sleep", he said. Rising from the bed he was unable to meet her eyes. Penelope reached up and touched his arm, stopping him before he could retreat any farther from the bed.

"I'm missing something here, Aaron. We were laughing one second and the next you seem upset, in a way almost sad. Please tell me why?" she asked.

A noise behind Aaron startled them both as a the charge nurse opened the door, coming in to check Penelope on her rounds. Stepping inside she saw Aaron and said. "It's past visiting hours Agent Hotchner, F.B.I. or not, you need to let our patient rest."

Aaron nodded to the nurse. "I was just leaving", he said, turning to go.

"Aaron wait..." Penelope called.

"Another time Penelope." He said, "I promise you, we will talk about it at another time."

_*****thank you everyone who reviewed my last chapter and all my chapters so far. You spurred me on to get this one posted faster. I hope you enjoyed it! I enjoyed writing it. Yes, we all hate the nurse right now, but that's ok. Don't worry, we all know Aaron is nothing if not a man of his word!**_


	19. Beth

Aaron went straight home after leaving Penelope's hospital room. His mind raced with thoughts of her. Leaving like that had been just another coward's move in a long string of cowardly things that Aaron had done where Penelope was concerned. If only he could go back and undo any of them, then maybe things would be different now. But even if he could somehow magically go back, which one would he need to undo to make her his tonight? Maybe he would need to go all the way back to that very first night, when he had tried to tell her the feelings he had for her in his heart. Maybe if he hadn't let her stop him then, they would be together now. Maybe if he had just flipped her over on the bed, pinned her arms above her head and forced her to listen to his feelings, maybe his impassioned pleading would have been enough to sway her then? Of course she would have tried to put it off as lust rather than the love he truly felt for her, but once he had told her all of it, could she really have still been able to deny him? The "maybes" and "if onlys" were what tourtured him most now. "How did I make such a mess of things?" he asked himself.

"A mess of what?" he heard a voice say.

"Beth? What are you doing here at this hour?" he asked as he saw her leaning up against his front door.

"You haven't been answering my phone calls; or even returning my texts. I know you have a lot on your plate since the funeral so I thought I would come help you clean some of it off if I could", Beth told him coming forward to kiss him hello. Her kiss was quick and Aaron tried to kiss her in return, not wanting her to know how little he wanted her touch right now. None of this was Beth's fault and as much as she didn't deserve to be hurt by it, Aaron knew she was about to be.

Beth had come into his life at a time when he had not really been looking for anything more having been contented to live on the scraps Penelope gave him. But Beth had been so persistent. And David, not knowing what he shared with Penelope, had encouraged him to pursue he had decided not to move forward with it until he had seen how much interest Penelope had shown in the possibility of him dating and then well, the devil in him had made him do it.

Even as soon as they had begun dating Aaron had known there was no real future in it. Beth was nice. Spending time with her was fun but there wasn't much beyond that. He had kissed her a few times, trying to feel more of a spark then he did; but when Beth offered him more, Aaron slowed things down. He could tell deep down that he was frustrating her.

Beth had believed that Aaron resisted her advances because he was still grieving over Hailey. She had told Aaron as much one night when he had taken her home after their date and she had invited him in for a 'night cap'. They had shared a drink and chatted for a moment. Then Aaron had begun to make his excuses and leave, kissing her one last time, meaning for it to be a good night kiss. Beth however had deepened the kiss to well beyond 'goodnight' status. Aaron had stepped back from her then but Beth had not intended to let him off the hook so easy. She had advanced and kissed him again and when he tried to retreat again, she had encircled him in her arms, making escape impossible.

"I know you've had a lot of loss Aaron", Beth had said, "But your wife loved you and she wouldn't want you to go on grieving along like this. "

Aaron had bowed his head at her words, not wanting to meet her eyes because he didn't know how to explain how wrong her assumptions were.

When he didn't speak Beth continued, "I know you're still hurting and I think it's sweet that you're still devoted to her memory. So, maybe you're not ready for anything serious just yet but, I'm not asking you to marry me here Aaron. I like you, maybe a bit more than like you, and I don't want to see you hurting anymore. We could be good together, but we'll never know if you don't give us a chance" Beth had said, grasping the front of his shirt and kissing him to emphasize her last words.

"It's not Hailey, Beth. ",Aaron began, not knowing how to approach what he had to tell her. "There was someone after her, someone who became important to me, someone I can't get past" Aaron explained.

Beth stepped back from him then and for a moment Aaron thought she might get mad over this other women in his life but then she began to undo the buttons of her blouse, exposing her green lace covered breasts to him. "Well," she said, reaching out to start undoing his shirt buttons next, "Why don't we just see if I can't get you past her" she said, sliding her fingers across his flesh.

Aaron groaned under her caress. He was only human after all and Beth was a beautiful women. It was a completely different kind of beauty than Penelope possessed of course but, she was still attractive to him. She stroked his chest, then leaned in to follow the trail her fingers had taken with her mouth.

It wasn't like he was pushing her, he'd told himself that night. He had been completely honest with her about where his feelings lay and she still wanted to take that next step, so what could be the harm? he'd asked himself as she kissed her way down his bare chest. Then Beth's hands had found the waist band of his slacks, her fingers sliding beneath it as she worked to undo them, Aaron gave in to the warmth of her touch.

Standing in his living room now, he remembered that first night with her and hated himself for his weakness. Sex with Beth had been ok, satisfying physically at least, though he felt no bonding with her, the way he had with Penelope. He had tried to be thoughtful and attentive to her needs but doing so didn't come as second nature to him, the way it always did with Penelope. None the less, Beth had been happy. They had shared several nights since, each one no better or worse than the last but none of them had ever held a candle to anything he and Penelope had shared.

Beth reached out and touched Aaron, bringing his mind back into the present.

"I know you must be stressed with the funeral and then that girl you work with hitting her head and all…" Beth said.

"How do you know about that?" Aaron asked. He had not spoken to Beth since she'd left the gathering at David's house. Who else would have told her about Penelope's accident? he thought.

"Well, when you didn't return my calls, I started to worry and so I looked up a number for J.J. and called her, just to be sure you were alright, of course" she said stroking his back.

"J.J. told you about the accident?" he asked. Aaron didn't know what to think about her calling J.J. Yes, he thought, he should have returned her calls or at least texted her but seeking out J.J.'s number and calling her out of the blue seemed off to him somehow.

"She said that the Tech girl you all work with had fallen and hit her head or something and that she was in the hospital. Is she ok?" Beth asked. The concern in her voice suddenly seemed feigned to Aaron.

"No"Aaron answered her, "she's not alright. And it maybe sometime before she is alright again."

"How did she fall? I mean was she drinking or something?" Beth asked, her tone seeming to hat she thought Penelope probably had been drunk.

"She wasn't drinking, she fainted. It was a traumatic day," Aaron replied somewhat irritated by Beth at the moment."For all of us," he added, pouring himself a drink from the bar. Turning, Aaron looked at her, his eyes really appraising her for the first time in a while. How had he come this far with her? he asked himself. She was beautiful and attentive to him, he thought but there was no real substance to her, nothing he felt he could attach himself to.

"Well, I understand that she's added quite a bit to your plate" he heard her saying through his thoughts. "On top of dealing with the Bureau replacing Erin, now you have to run around replace her. Its no wonder you've been to busy to get back to me" Beth said.

"There is no replacing Penelope," Aaron said. He raised the glass he'd poured to his lips but lowered it again without taking a sip. "And I should have figured that one out months ago" he added.

"You must be tired" Beth teased, turning him to face her running her hands up his chest. "You're not making any sense, Aaron. I mean, the girl only hurt herself a few days ago. Why on earth would you have thought of replacing her months ago?" Beth asked.

"Sit down Beth", Aaron said. The look on her face telling him that his sudden seriousness startled her a bit. She took a seat on the couch, leaving plenty of room for him beside her. Instead Aaron remained standing. Aaron had meet Hailey as a boy and had spent most of his growing up loving her. Their marriage had just slowly crumbled around him while he tried to ignore the signs. His relationship with Penelope had been fluid, never really having ended. So, given those two things, Aaron thought, he had no real experience ending a relationship. How did one go about telling a women he had no more interest in her without coming off sounding like a jerk? Deciding the only thing he could do was just be completely honest with her, he toke a deep breath and began.

"When you and I began seeing each other, I tried to take things slow. I know you initially thought that was because of Hailey. I corrected that assumption before you and I ever had sex," he said. Looking her right in the eyes he continued, " I told you there had been someone after Hailey, someone important, someone I couldn't get past."

"What does that have to do with this conversation, Aaron? Beth asked, realization not having dawned on her yet.

"Penelope, 'The Tech Girl' as you put it, she was that someone." He said.

"I don't understand." Beth said, her mouth falling open. "You mean you and the girl had a thing?"

"Penelope", Aaron corrected her. "Yes, Penelope and I were Lovers for a time", he said. "She and I have not been together since before you and I met", he assured her.

"But she's so not your type. " Beth said, confused. "I mean she's so… "

"So what?", Aaron asked, annoyed. "So beautiful, so funny, so smart, so strong, so kind, so caring, so sexy …? What about her is it exactly, that you think isn't 'my type'?" Aaron demanded. Aaron hated it when people labeled Penelope. Yes, he had to admit maybe she was eccentric in her dress and hair styles but anyone who knew her at all knew that those things were simply a shield she used to protect herself from unkind place this world could be. Having someone he thought he cared for judging her on sight bothered him. Couldn't Beth recognize the sweet, genuine nature Penelope possessed? Her presence brightened every room she entered. How could Beth not see exactly why Penelope attracted him?

Beth just stared at him.

Ashamed at himself for losing his composure he said, "I'm sorry Beth; I shouldn't have raised my voice to you. I shouldn't have done a lot of things I've done recently" he told her. "I've enjoyed our time together but…."

"But what?" Beth interrupted "Are you telling me you're getting back with this girl? I mean I thought she and that agent, Morgan were a couple or something. I mean that was sure how it looked the other night"

"Maybe they are, maybe they're not. I don't know but if they are then that's mine to deal with but, regardless Beth, there is no future here for you and I and it's wrong of me to let you go on thinking that there might be" he said.

"How thoughtful of you!" Beth sneered.

"Please don't be that way, Beth. I never intended to be dishonest with you or hurt you. " Aaron searched his mind for how to explain the way he saw it. He had always been able to analyze even the most emotional situation and break it down to the bare facts. In truth, it was a trait that had driven Hailey crazy. He hoped somehow his approach would have more success with Beth.

"You have to understand, as nice as this has been, pretending that we have something here is like trying to substitute a very nice cubic zirconia for an exquisite diamond; it may look good on the surface and maybe it even shine a bit but it can never be anything more than a poor imitation of the real thing" he explained. Silently Aaron congratulated himself for being able to make his point so clearly until he saw the look on Beth's face and knew he had just royally screwed up. Somehow Beth had not taken his words in the spirit in which they had been intended. Her lips were drawn together forming a thin line. The expression on her face was blank. Her eyes however burned with a fire that revealed the true anger she felt inside.

"I see", she said.

With that Beth turned and left his home without saying another word. She was in her car and driving before the tears fell. As she wiped away the first of them she said aloud, 'You'll regret this Aaron Hotchner. I'll make sure that you and your 'Diamond' regret this, if it's the last thing I do."


	20. a sleepless night

*****sorry for the delay in posting . this chapter is shorter than the last few I know but I hope you'll find it's worth the wait . Thank you again for all your reviews!I couldn't keep going without you.******

After Aaron's late night visit Penelope had found it difficult to go back to sleep. She lay in bed, after the nurse had finally left, she replayed every minute of their conversation. She had been surprised when she'd opened her eyes to see Aaron standing near her bed. Had he been touching her? She could have sworn someone had been touching her? Or was it a remnant of the dream she'd been having.

Penelope had been dreaming, the same sweet, beautiful, foggy dream of her lover's caress, that she had enjoyed every night since the first she could remember, when something had stirred her from her sleep. She remembered the feeling of warmth on her skin; stirring her blood and filling her whole being with longing. She had opened her eyes, half certain her lover would be there, his hands on her waist, drawing her body towards him; instead she had found Aaron stepping away from her bed.

Penelope had sat up more quickly, recognizing that Aaron was attempting to leave. Something inside her ached at the sight of him leaving. Penelope hadn't recognized that emotion at the time she could only act in response. Breathlessly she'd had called after him, "Aaron". Was that right; calling him Aaron like that? She remembered the way his name had felt on her lips and she knew instantly that it was.

She remembered now that he had hesitated when she called his name. She had been too sleepy to register the fact just then but now as she remembered those moments, she could clearly see his body still at the sound of her voice. He had obviously heard her call out to him. Why had he hesitated before turning to her? Was he embarrassed at having woken her? Did he think if he waited just a moment she would drift back to sleep and he could leave undetected? It surely seemed that way.

Penelope tried to remember the look on Aaron's face; the look in his eyes in that first moment. Was it her imagination or had Aaron tried to hide his eyes from her? Looking back now it she was almost certain that he had, but why? What could he possibly be worried about her seeing in them?

Aaron had seemed almost anxious to leave until she had almost begged him to stay. What had possessed her to do that? She had seen this man only once since waking up from her accident so why was the thought of him leaving her so quickly almost painful to her? Penelope felt so confused.

Penelope fingered the case which held Aaron's, well really Jack's gift, and thought back about what Aaron had shared with her when he had given it to her. She had bought this gift for his son. Did people normally just buy somewhat expensive gifts for their boss's son? She didn't think so. So obviously what he'd told her the first time she remembered them meeting was true, he was her boss but he was also her friend.

She loved the memory of his smile as he spoke about his son with her. It had lit his whole face. He'd still been smiling as he sat down beside her on her bed and as he told her about Jack and explained the origin of Jack's gift to her. She clearly remembered his smile the moment before she looked down at the games but, when she'd looked up he had seemed so sad. What had changed in that short moment? Had she done something? No, she couldn't think of anything she could have done in that moment that would have caused him such anguish. He was obviously thinking of something else. Was it a moment they had shared in the past? Something she could no longer remember? Had she hurt him in some way?

Penelope thought back past this night to the first time he had introduced himself to her. What had he said exactly?

"I was in the Chapel…." She remembered him saying. He was in the Chapel and the nurse had gone and called him back.

"Were you praying for me? Was that why you were in the Chapel?" she remembered asking him.

"Yes, I was praying for you", he had said.

If she had hurt him in some way, would he have been there, praying for me so late into the evening? she thought to herself. No, that didn't seem right. There was something else about that first meeting, she told herself. What was it? Had he said something more? she asked herself. No, he had spoken to the doctor but those were the only words he'd said to her, she was sure. What else had happened?

Penelope's head hurt as she tried to remember those first moments after she had woken up. She knew she was missing something, but what?

"Yes, I was praying for you….." she remembered his words again, trying to picture his face as he spoke them. He had stepped closer to her bed as he'd spoken to her. She could remember him reaching out, touching her arm, her skin…..

"Oh!" Penelope said aloud, sitting upright in bed. He'd touched her arm as he's spoken to her, running his fingers down it to take her hand. She remembered his touch was light, casual even, but fire burned her skin wherever his fingertips had brushed.

"His touch!" Penelope spoke aloud again, so shocked by what she'd realized. His touch, she thought, she knew that touch, oh, how she knew that touch! It was the touch she'd dreamed about every night so far. It was the touch she had been dreaming about the moment before she opened her eyes to him tonight. He had been touching her, she was sure of that now. His hands had been on her when she'd woken, that was why he'd moved away so quickly!

But why? How? When had they been lovers? She had no doubt now that they had been. His touch, the way if affected her, was unmistakable. She searched her mind for every detail of her dream/memory.

The very first memory of the dream further confirmed to her that it was Aaron she'd shared those moments with. In her mind he was laughing as he touched her and though the laugh she remembered was deep and full of lust, it was at its core the same laugh she'd heard in this very room tonight, Aaron's laugh, deep and rich in her ears. Again Penelope thought how much she loved the sound.

Penelope's mind continued to replay the dream/memory for her. She could feel the warmth of hands on her skin, Aaron's hands, he was touching her. Oh, how she loved his touch! It was gentle yet strong and sure as it traveled across her flesh. There was no hesitation in his touch. And she felt no hesitation in her response to it.

For the first time since the dreams began she clearly heard the man's voice now. It was no longer distant or far from her ears. Without a doubt It was Aaron's voice. The same voice that had filled this room a few short hours ago whispered "beautiful" and "delicious", then "magnificent" and "stunning" as she again felt kisses lavished upon skin. Aaron had used those words to describe her? The thought both thrilled and completely confused her all at once.

She and Aaron had been lovers, at least once for sure but something in the memory, something in the ease of his touch told her it had been more. But when? The memory was only his touch, only his kiss on her skin, only the feelings he ignited in her. There was no frame of reference to it. She could not picture him, let alone the bed on which she laid or the room where it stood. She had no idea if this memory was old or new. Were they something from each other's past? Or had this been more recent? How could it be? She was with Derek now, wasn't she?

Derek had been here almost every moment since she'd woken up. And he had spent all of those moments working to make her comfortable. And what about the moment she'd woken up? Derek had immediately asked her to marry him! They must be a couple yet she couldn't remember one single moment she'd shared with him before her fall. Why then could she remember Aaron so vividly?

Penelope was so confused. Her mind seemed to spin with questions. J.J. was her best girlfriend, she had told her details of everyone they knew. She had even told her details about Aaron but never once did she mention that the two of them had been in a relationship. Her best friend should know all the juicy details of her relationships right? And this relationship had certainly had some very juicy details, of that she was sure. Why wouldn't J.J. have given Penelope those details if she knew? And if she didn't know, why hadn't Penelope shared that with her?

Even more confusing was the next question Penelope thought, did Derek know about Aaron? Had her relationship with Aaron ended before she and Derek's had begun? Or, Penelope thought troubled, had she cheated on Derek with Aaron? She didn't like to think of herself as the kind of person who could do something like that but, was she? Truthfully, she had no way of knowing. Penelope could think of only one person who would know for sure.

Penelope's head pounded as she got up out of bed. She remembered seeing her cell phone in a bag of her things, presumably the items that she had with her when she fell. The nurse had made had brought the bag to her, and she had gone through each item inside before asking the nurse to put it aside, not feeling the need to keep any of it, not even the phone, with her. She remembered thinking how the phone was full of names she didn't recognize and numbers she didn't know, so what was the point of keeping it near? Now she kind of wished she had, as she opened the drawers to her bed side table, searching for it with no success. Where had she asked the nurse to put it? she thought.

Sitting back down she remembered, it was in her 'go' bag. Getting up again Penelope retrieved the bag from the little closet across from the room. She brought her bag over, placed it on the foot of her bed and sat down cross legged in front of it. She unzipped the bag and opened it. The renewed scent of lilacs met her nose as she did. She had all but forgotten her flowers tonight. Now she found herself wondering if Aaron had in fact left them for her. It had always seemed to Penelope like something a lover would do.

Her 'go' bag had been turned over at some point since the last time Penelope had looked inside, which caused her to open it upside down. The hospital's bag of her personal belongings that the nurse had placed inside would now be somewhere near the bottom of the pile before her, she thought. Quickly her hands began moving items as she searched for it. It was then that she caught sight of something she hadn't seen the first time she had gone through her these things. At the bottom, which thanks to Penelope's error in opening the bag was now the top, there was a separate zipper compartment she had not noticed before.

Penelope unzipped the compartment. Sliding her hand inside, her fingers closed around something soft and cool within. Pulling back her hand, Penelope found herself holding a man's dress shirt. examining the tag Penelope realized a shirt this size would surely never fit her body. Why then was it here? The shirt was the crisp white kind, a brand name she recognized but certainly not high fashion like the kind she had seen Derek Morgan wear. This shirt did not belong to him. Penelope's mind told her this shirt belonged to someone a little bit older, someone who was comfortable enough in his own skin to not feel the need to adorn it with anything too flashy.

Penelope brought the material to her nose and inhaled deeply. The scent which filled her lungs was warm, clean and spicy. It immediately brought to mind the images of her dreams. As the memory flooded her Penelope took another breath and warned herself not to try too hard to remember. This time instead of trying to pull the memories to the surface of her mind she instead let them flow over her, the way her lover's scent flowed over her now. Suddenly she could feel the arms that had once filled this shirt wrapping around her, drawing her body tight to his as he came up behind her.

Penelope's breath caught as she remembered the feel of his mouth as he kissed along her jaw line. She could feel his breath on her skin as he whispered in her ear, "what are you planning to do with that?" Aaron had asked, reaching out for the shirt Penelope had been holding against her face.

"Do you have your go bag in the car?", she'd asked, skillfully avoiding answering his question.

Turning her to face him, he took her mouth with his kiss. Even now the memory of that kiss was enough to steal her breath. Penelope remembered how his eyes had questioned her when they had finally broke apart. "You know I always have it with me", he answered.

"Good because I'm keeping this", she teased holding the shirt just beyond his reach, "and you'd look kinda funny driving home in just your tie."

Aaron had laughed and playfully reached for it, "why settle for just the shirt, Penelope, I'd be more than happy to give you the pants too", Aaron had teased as he slowly began to undo his belt for her. The image of Aaron removing his pants filled her with such desire that Penelope was left with no doubt exactly what had happened between them next.

Then, just as quickly as a memory had come it her mind, it was gone; leaving in its wake more questions than answers. Had this been part of the same encounter she remembered in her dreams? Somehow Penelope didn't think so. She was starting to think that somewhere locked in her mind, there were many more moments like these just waiting for her to find them.


	21. morning

****I know the updates have been like weekly instead of daily as they once were. Sorry for the delay. Thank you for all the reviews I promise to try and catch up on my PMs this week too. Hope you find this chapter worth waiting for. :-) *****

Aaron had lain awake in his bed, replaying the conversation with Beth and wondering how Jack was going to take her not being around anymore for several hours now. He had tried to limit the amount of time Beth had spent with his son. Other than their trip to New York, she had not spent all that much more time with Jack than any of the other people in Aaron's life, male or female.

He had also tried to be honest with Jack about Beth from the very beginning, knowing somewhere in his mind the relationship had no future even from day one. After Jack had meet Beth he had asked Aaron if he was going to marry her. Aaron had answered him honestly with, "Probably not, Buddy." He had gone on to explain to Jack how boys didn't always marry every girl they spent time with. He told Jack that spending time with a girl was how a boy figured out if the girl was the one he wanted to" spend time with" forever. Jack had seemed to understand that answer.

Aaron had told Jack, "Beth is very nice and we enjoy the same things so she is fun to spend time with but …"

"You don't love her like you loved mommy, right?" Jack had said, stopping Aaron before he could explain more.

"Right, Buddy", Aaron had replied. He was glad that Jack seemed mature enough to understand.

"Will you ever love a girl like you loved mommy?" Jack had asked.

"Yes, I think I will in time, Jack but for right now, there may be times when it's just you and me, ok?" Aaron had answered. In truth Aaron had thought to himself when he and Jack had talked that night, he already loved Penelope as much as he had ever loved Hailey, maybe even more so.

Replaying his conversation with Jack now, Aaron believed the boy would eventually be just fine with Beth not being a part of their lives anymore, especially if he somehow got his wish and Penelope came into their lives, the way he wanted her to.

In a way Penelope was already in Jack's life as much as she was in Aaron's. She had been to almost all of Jack's soccer games, visited him when he was sick and even coached him through a school play last year. Jack had played The Woodsman in his grades version of "Little Red Riding Hood" and with Penelope's help; he'd been the best Woodsman anyone in the audience had ever seen.

'Maybe, when Jack gets home tomorrow night, I'll take him over to see Penelope', Aaron was thinking when he heard his cell phone ring.

Though he had not been asleep, the loud sound in quite home startled him. It was just after 4 A.M. Aaron was sure it must be the office calling until he caught sight of the caller ID. It read 'Penelope'. Aaron's heart was suddenly pounding as he swiped the answer button.

"Penelope? Are you alright?" he asked, forgetting the customary 'hello' most people answer with.

"No" she answered quietly.

"What's wrong?" Aaron asked, already up and pulling on jeans over his boxers. He had added a t-shirt before he heard her reply.

"I…. I need you", Penelope stammered.

"I'm leaving now", he said ramming his feet into his running shoes by the door.

"Thank you", Penelope said, disconnecting the call.

For a moment Aaron stood staring down at the phone in his hand. Had that just happened? Not waiting for his mind to answer, Aaron slammed the door behind him as he dashed out to his vehicle. Aaron had been at an off-site meeting before visiting Penelope and afterwards had driven straight home in the black F.B.I. issue SUV he had been using. Starting the vehicle, he pulled it out of his parking area and when he reached the main street, Aaron Hotchner did something he had never even considered doing in all his years in law enforcement. Knowing it was completely against the rules in a non-emergency, non-work-related situation; he flipped on the vehicles lights and sirens and floored it all the way to the hospital. All Penelope had said was that she 'needed him' and there went Aaron, acting on impulse again.

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When Aaron reached the hospital he all but ran to the elevator that would take him up to Penelope's room. Once inside the elevator however he realized he would need to slow down, unless he wanted to draw the attention on 'Attila the Head Nurse' who would once again question why he was here outside normal visiting hours. When the elevator doors opened Aaron was glad to see the hallway was deserted and he quietly slipped past the nurse's station to make his way to Penelope's room.

When Aaron walked through her door he saw Penelope's 'go bag' was sitting to one end of her bed, its contents spilling out all over. She had obviously been in a hurry to find something he thought.

"Hi", Penelope said shyly.

"Are you ok?" Aaron asked, though Penelope had already answered that question by phone.

She shook her head no.

"What can I do?" he asked.

"Well.." Penelope began, "you could start by helping me understand this," she said, dangling the dress shirt she'd found earlier from her fingertips. Aaron's breath caught when he saw what she held.

His shirt; did she know it was his shirt? She must or why else would she have called him about it? he thought. But how did she know? Aaron's mom had stopped writing his name in the back collar of his dress shirts years ago so… Had Penelope remembered that it was his? And if so, how much had she remembered about how she'd obtained it? Memories of those moments, wrestling over his shirt and eventually his pants flooded Aaron's mind. He had blamed car trouble for his missing the morning meeting with the Director that day.

"By the way you're smiling, I'd say you recognize it" Penelope said, pulling Aaron's mind back into the present.

Aaron cleared his throat, trying to wipe the smile from his lips.

"Do you recognize it?" he asked, once he'd regained control over his voice.

"I know it's yours and I remembered that when I took it, you offered me the matching pants" Penelope answered. Aaron tried hard not to smile again.

"Penelope…"

"It was only a small memory, Aaron but coupled with the few other memories I've had, I know enough to be very confused right now" she said, before Aaron could say anything else.

Aaron nodded. "Where do you want me to start?" he asked.

"I don't know. Maybe at the beginning; or at the end. I mean, did we end?" Penelope asked.

"No" Aaron said, the word little more than a whisper rang with the deepest truth in Aaron's heart. Even though he had been seeing Beth, he and Penelope had never once discussed them not seeing each other again. They were not over to him, for him they would always be unending.

"But, Derek has made it clear that he and I are a couple…"

"He has?" Aaron asked.

"Well he asked me to marry him, before my eyes were hardly open after the fall…"

"He did?" Aaron asked, trying the hide the agony they idea of her married to Derek caused him.

Penelope nodded. "Does he know about you and me? I mean he obviously loves me, was I cheating on him? Am I that kind of women?" Penelope asked, her tone showed how worried the thought made her.

"No" Aaron said strongly. Then lowered his voice as he continued, "No Penelope, in all the years that you and I have been together, I promise you that we have never shared one single night when either of us belonged to someone else, " he said, trying to reassure her.

"Years?", Penelope whispered.

"Penelope, it's true that you and Derek have always shared a bond. You have just about the strongest friendship I have ever seen and I know that at some level there has always been an attraction there on both sides but, you told me yourself, the night of the fall, that you and he were not intimate." Aaron explained.

"I did? Penelope asked.

"Yes" Aaron answered.

"I don't understand. Why would Derek ask me to be his wife, if we have never really even been a couple? Could my fall have motivated him to take such a drastic step to change our relationship?" Penelope wondered.

"I think in fairness, I need to let Derek explain his actions to you. I can't guarantee that I my opinions would be unbiased, given my feelings for you." Aaron said.

"So, that brings us to my next question, what exactly are your feelings for me Aaron? You have told me that Derek and I are not really a couple but what are you and I then? I mean you just said we've been together for years but no one seems to know about us, not even my 'best friend' J.J. and I have remembered enough to know that you and I were definitely as you put it, intimate, so… What are we some kind of Sex buddies or something?" Penelope questioned.

Aaron looked as though she'd struck him. "In your memories Penelope, is that how I feel to you?" Aaron asked, his words dripping with hurt.

"No" she whispered, immediately sorry that she'd been so blunt and caused him pain.

"Tell me then, how do I feel to you, Penelope?" he asked honestly.

"I don't know…." She hesitated, then without thinking Penelope moved the 'go bag' from the bed, patted the empty space before her and said, "Why don't you come over here, so I can feel you and find out?"

Honestly, Penelope had no idea what possessed her to say something so bold to him. For a moment she worried he'd be shocked but those fears were relieved when Aaron laughed out loud.

"Oh, Penelope, I can't possibly tell you how good it feels to be teased by you tonight." Aaron said laughing again as he moved to take the place she offered him on her bed.

Enjoying the smile on his face as he sat down in front of her, Penelope reached up to cup his cheek in her hand. Aaron turned his face into her touch and brought his hand up to cover hers as her fingers lightly stroked his skin.

"Well?" Aaron asked teasingly.

Suddenly unable to answer him, or even met his gaze, Penelope bowed her head. She felt overwhelmed by the emotions that flooded her at even the slightest contact with him. Had it always been this way? She had known from the small bits of memories she'd retrieved that his touch aroused her but she had never before felt so consumed by emotion.

"Penelope….." Aaron whispered, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close against his chest. She went to him willingly, burying her face in his shoulder as tears began falling from her eyes. Aaron stroked her hair and whispered soothing words in her ear. He felt her shoulders begin to shake as the tears overtook her.

Aaron did nothing but comfort her. He simply held her and let her cry until she couldn't anymore. As the tears slowed Penelope moved back ever so slightly from him.

"I'm sorry…," she tried to say but Aaron placed a finger on her lips, cutting off her words.

"Don't say the "S" word, there's no need for it with me", he told her, comforting her with words she'd once used on him.

Penelope lay back against her pillow, her eyes felt so heavy now.

"You're exhausted, I should let you rest", Aaron told her.

"No", Penelope begged, "Don't leave me Aaron. Lay here beside me. Hold me while we sleep."

Aaron's mind tried to reason with him but his heart and body won out and he laid down beside her, pulling her close. He could feel her heart beating in time with his own. He had missed her, missed this so much. Long after her breathing had become so rhythmic that he knew she had fallen asleep, he still could not bring himself to release his hold on her.

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As Derek headed toward the elevator on his way to Penelope's room he heard J.J's familiar voice call out to him and turned to see both her and Reid coming towards him.

"Reid? I thought you had decided hospital visits weren't your thing, man." Derek teased.

"J.J. can be relentless when she wants to be," Reid replied.

"I am not relentless!" J.J. protested in mock anger. "I just told you there isn't anything you can say that will make Penelope uncomfortable besides she really wants to see you."

The trio boarded the elevator together. As they reached Penelope's floor, Reid suggested that he and J.J. wait by the nurse's station while Derek check to be sure that Penelope was awake and dressed and felt up to visitors. Derek agreed and made his way into Penelope's room.

Both Reid and J.J. were concerned when Derek came back out of Penelope's room only a moment after he had entered it. They became even more concerned when instead of turning to them; he turned and slammed his fists into the wall across from her door. They both began to move toward him but stopped when they saw Aaron emerge from Penelope's room.

"Derek", Aaron said. "Penelope was exhausted, we just fell asleep…"

"Yeah, Aaron, that's exactly what it looked like", Derek quipped.

"This isn't about you or me Derek. It's about Penelope and getting her well. The only way that's going to happen is if she's surrounded by things that are familiar to her and whether it pleases you or not, I am familiar to her" Aaron explained, the SSA Aaron Hotchner tone creeping back into his voice.

"Yeah" Derek said again, turning on Aaron, "You sneaking around, climbing in and outta her bed in the middle of the night should be real familiar to her by now!"

"Watch yourself, Derek.." Aaron began but stopped as Derek took a step toward him. Aaron anticipated the punch even before Derek moved to throw one, Aaron grabbed his hand, slamming Derek face first into the wall, pinning his arm behind him, the way he would an unruly suspect. If Derek had not been so upset Aaron might not have restrained him so easily. Expecting more of a fight, Aaron braced himself but all the fight went out of Derek. His shoulders sagged as he said, "you said you'd give me a chance man. You said if I stepped up, tried to do right by her, you'd give me a chance, but that in there sure didn't look like you giving me no chance, man."

Immediately Aaron released his hold. Hanging his head he stepped back, "Derek, whether you believe this or not, I love you. If I didn't, I'd have slammed you into a wall years ago. I know you want her but...I want her too. I need her Derek, I love her. "

Derek turned toward Aaron, "if you love her man, then what about Beth?"

"I ended things with Beth. As wonderful as she may be, ultimately she's a mistake I made, trying to give Penelope what I thought she wanted . But then, you've never been guilty of those kind of mistakes, have you, Derek?" Aaron asked. Aaron knew his words were harsh but he could think of no better way to make Derek remember that neither one of them was guiltless in all of this.

"If Penelope regains her memories and chooses you, I will have to find a way to deal with that but I won't... no, I can't, give her up without a fight. Can you understand that, Derek? " Aaron asked.

"Yeah man, I understand it but you gotta understand I can't back down either. I messed things up with her and maybe I don't deserve to be given a chance but I still can't walk away without a fight" Derek explained.

"Well then, it looks like we've both got a fight on our hands", Aaron answered, turning around and going back to Penelope's room. Leaving Derek in the hallway to face the dumbfounded J.J. and Spencer Reid.

******** A.N.

Ok i know I promised no triangles here and I know its feeling that way right now but unless both men are given a chance to joist how will our queen ever choose her knight?" *******


	22. Penelope's Plan

_*****sorry for the delay in posting, and the shortness of this chapter. I wanted to do so much more but I couldn't leave you all hanging while I work the bugs out of the next 2 chapters. I hope to post them soon. Please hang in there with me. Thank you for all the reviews. You all are the only reason I found the strength to get this much posted tonight. Love you all *****_

Derek Morgan looked up at the still stunned faces of Spencer and J.J and decided the easier conversation lay beyond Penelope's door. Drawing a deep breath, he followed Aaron through.

Unlike the a few minutes before, when he had entered this room for the first time today, Penelope was awake and sitting up in bed. Both she and Aaron, who was standing beside her, holding both her hands in his and talking to her softly, turned to look at him as he entered.

"Derek…" both Aaron and Penelope began in unison. Derek raised a hand to silence them.

"I didn't come in here looking for another fight", he said, holding up a hand.

"_Another fight?"_ Penelope asked, looking up at Aaron questioningly.

"Derek and I were _discussing_ some things in the hall a moment ago", Aaron explained.

"Discussing me I take it? and what did you two boys decide about me?" Penelope asked.

Aaron turned and looked at Derek, then turning back to look at Penelope again Aaron said, "We have decided that we both love you. We both want you and we are both willing to do whatever it takes to win your heart. Does that about cover it?" Aaron asked turning to Derek again.

"Yeah, I'd say that about sums it up", Derek confirmed.

Penelope looked from one man to the other, feeling stunned. She didn't like the idea of being "discussed" by them when she wasn't around to hear. And she truly didn't like the idea of anyone, not even these two men, making plans for her. Had she allowed others to choose for her before her accident? When her mind gave her no clear answer for that she decided it didn't matter anyway. Before the accident was the past and she had to live in the here and now. Deciding she wanted to know just how much her men had already planned she asked, "So where do we go from here?"

"You go home", Aaron answered. "I spoke with the doctor while you were sleeping this morning and he feels ready to clear you, provided you are not left all alone for the next several days."

"Well we had originally planned on my taking Baby Girl home…" Derek began.

"And I think you should still take me home, Derek", Penelope stated.

"Yeah, like Aaron's gonna stand here and let that happen", Derek finished.

"Is that really what you want, Penelope?" Aaron asked. Penelope could see that hurt in his eyes even though he tried so hard to mask it in his voice. Penelope had spent very little time alone with Aaron since she woke up after her fall, other than last night of course, but she could still instantly recognize the tone he used to cover his true feelings.

Penelope knew that the moments they had shared last night; falling asleep in each other's arms had meant a great deal to Aaron. Truthfully it had meant even more to her. She felt less at loose ends now, stronger and more confident than she had been feeling. She needed Aaron to understand she wasn't putting him aside.

"Here me out, ok?" Penelope asked, touching Aaron's face and looking only at him.

When he nodded she continued, "I think Derek should take me home tonight. He and I have had a lot of miscommunication in the past few days and I think we need time together to get that straightened out. Besides, I need someone to be there every second and I know you have obligations today Aaron that I will not have you miss because of me."

"There's nothing I need to do that's more important…." Aaron began.

"I know that, but", Penelope said, touching his face as she interrupted him. "even if they aren't more important you still need to do them. It's Wednesday, Derek can take me home. He has no obligations today or tomorrow. He can stay with me tonight and tomorrow. That will give Derek and I a chance to talk a few things out and it gives you time to handle things and clear your schedule. Then, late Friday afternoon you and Jack can come over and stay. The three of us can spend Friday night and all day Saturday together. Then on Sunday afternoon we can all revisit this arrangement. How does that sound?" Penelope asked, amazed by the confident tone she heard in her own voice.

"That sounds fair, I suppose. Aaron said. Penelope listened trying to hear the real answer under Aaron's tone. Surprisingly she thought he really meant what he said. Looking up at him she saw less hurt and more hope in his eyes than she had before. Penelope was glad Aaron seemed to understand her need to be completely upfront in all of this from here on out.

Neither one of them had been completely honest with her up until now. On some level that bothered her but then what could she have expected them to do? What she and Aaron had shared had been a secret, closely guarded by them both, as far as she could tell. Should he have just marched into her room that first not, announced himself as her lover, and dragged her away into the night, claiming her as his own? Likewise, should Derek have been expected to confront a completely memory-less Penelope with every detail of their relationship and force her to then and there decide his place in her life? Could she truly blame either of them for keeping the details to themselves? Would she have done any different if she had been in their shoes?

Deciding that she could not answer her own question, Penelope instead turned to Derek, "Do you agree?" she asked.

What could he say really? Derek thought. Derek wanted to scream, NO! NO! NO! This ain't fair! None of this is fair, you are mine, Baby Girl, ONLY MINE and he needs to get the hell out Now! but how could he? When Aaron had just said he thought it was a good plan, how would Derek look to her if he disagreed? He'd look like a selfish, jealous, fool, and maybe that's what he was, Derek admitted to himself as Penelope and Aaron waited expectantly for his answer. "Yeah, I guess that works," Derek answered finally.

"Good, that's settled. Now, Aaron, you should be getting home and changed before I make you late for something important." Penelope said.

"You are the most important thing to me right now", Aaron said, reaching out to take her hand. Penelope gave him a look that told him she wasn't going to let him off so easy. It was so much the way she would have reacted before her fall that it made Aaron laugh a little.

"Ok, I'm going. Look, I know Derek's taking you home tonight, and I would never want to encroach on your time with him but, can I call you tonight, just to say goodnight I mean?" Aaron asked.

"Of course", Penelope said stepping toward him. Standing on tip toes, Penelope lightly brushed her lips to Aaron's. "I would be disappointed if you didn't call me" she said as she stepped back from him again.

For a moment Aaron just stood there, unable to make himself to leave her. The gentle touch of her mouth to his had him fighting the overwhelming need he felt for again.

"I'll call you at eight", he said, wishing he had been able to mask the blatant need he heard in his own voice. Derek made a sound, somewhere behind him, that told Aaron he was not the only one who'd heard it either. Swallowing hard Aaron turned and left, not wanting to risk saying anything more.

When Aaron had gotten outside of Penelope's room and the door was safely closed behind him, he allowed himself a moment to replay everything that Penelope had said and done since he had gone back into her. Resting his head on the wall behind him, he closed his eyes and remembered the feel of her hand in his, the intensity of the look she'd given him and the gentle sound of her voice as she'd asked him where he'd gone.

Then Derek had come into the room….

At first, when Penelope had said she wanted Derek to take her home, Aaron had felt as though someone had stolen the breath from his lungs. Last night had meant so much to him, talking to her openly, lying beside her in her bed, falling asleep with her, waking up to the feel of her warmth against him, the scent of her filling his lungs….

Every moment had been so precious to him. For a moment he'd doubted that she had felt it too, until she had touched his face and asked him to hear her out. There was something in her eyes at that moment that gave him hope that he was not alone in all he'd felt.

Walking out of her room this morning hurt Aaron more than any other morning when he'd had to leave her bed before. Seeing Derek standing there, knowing that he would be taking her home, knowing that he would be the one to see her face the moment she took in the details, knowing that he would be the one to help through any emotions that brought up….

It was enough to make Aaron want to storm back in there and demand that he be allowed to take her. But he knew he could not do that. Penelope would never be his until she choose him and she could never choose him if he didn't allow her the freedom to get to know the man she would be choosing him over. It killed Aaron to admit it but letting her go was the only chance he had on holding on to her in the end.

Realizing that, Aaron raised his head and turned to go. Aaron had not realized he was being observed until he heard the questioning tone of Spencer Reid say his name.

"Hotch? Something going on here you care to explain to us?" Spencer asked.

Only then did Aaron notice J.J. standing behind Reid, a slightly stunned expression still lingering on her face.


	23. Going home

The digital alarm clock on Penelope's bedside table read 9:34am. She had been lying here silently hoping Derek believed she was still sleeping for over an hour now. It wasn't that she didn't want to be out there with him. She was just so confused right now that in here was safer. But, even in here wasn't really an escape from everything swimming around in her head right now.

Yesterday afternoon Dr. Bauer had released Penelope from the Hospital. As they had decided, Derek was there with her. Once they had gotten the final confirmation that Penelope would in fact be released that afternoon, Derek had helped her gather up the few personal things she had there with her. There were the contents of her go bag, Jack's video game system, etc.; all in all it wasn't much but to Penelope it was everything she knew.

Derek sat beside her on the bed and listened with her as the nurse gave her the usual after-care instructions. He had already gone down to the pharmacy and had the few prescriptions Penelope had been given filled for her. Penelope couldn't help but be touched by his gentle care and concern for her.

As they sat side by side Penelope could feel the heat of Derek's thigh where it brushed up against hers. She couldn't deny being that close to him had affected her; though not in the same way that being close with Aaron did. Maybe it was because she and Aaron had actually been lovers and so on some level her body remembered the effects of his touch and the intimate moments they had shared, making her response to him more intense then the simple, basic attraction she felt toward Derek.

That wasn't saying that there was only a little physical attraction between her and Derek; there were moments when she would swear she could almost see the sparks between them. Derek wasn't shy about being close or touching her either. Unlike Aaron, he didn't wait for Penelope to initiate the contact between them. Now that she thought back over the last few days, it seemed that if Derek had been near her than his hands had almost constantly been on her in one way or another.

She thought now on moments when she and Derek had been talking since she had woken up after her fall; he almost always held her hand, or touched her arm, her shoulder, her face. He always kissed her check whenever he entered her room and always stopped to kiss her on the lips whenever he left her. And of course there had been that first kiss, right before he'd asked her to marry him, when she still didn't even know his name; that kiss had been the most passionate of all of but of course, she'd been to stunned at the time to have enjoyed it. She remembered it now, wondering how the old Penelope would have responded to it. More so she wondered how that Penelope would have responded to his sudden marriage proposal. If she had woken up with all her memories would that Penelope have jumped into to Derek's arms with a joyous "YES" and called for the nearest preacher to seal the deal that instant?

Somehow Penelope couldn't imagine herself doing that. She felt too much for Aaron right now to believe that she could have felt so little for him before her fall. She didn't even want to consider that the women she had been a week ago might have tossed what she and Aaron had shared aside so easily. Yes, she felt physical attraction for him but, there was something deeper in the way he affected her. It was as though they were bound together in some way. She felt as though she could read his thoughts by the look in his eyes. In return she felt he understood her, even in the moments she barely understood herself. She felt so at peace in the moments when he was beside her and completely at loose ends since the last time he'd left her. Everything right now made her think of him, and that was why she was hiding in her bed.

Derek had been so thoughtful, so kind, so generous with her. He had made her the focus of every moment since the moment he had wheeled he out of the hospital entrance to his waiting SUV. He had helped her into the passenger seat, assisted her with her seat belt and carefully closed the door for her, before taking his own spot in the driver's seat. Penelope had sat quietly as they had driven the distance from the hospital to her home. Derek on the other hand had spent the entire trip providing a running commentary on everything they passed that could possibly be of interest to her.

He had told her about the park, a few blocks from the hospital, where they had often walked his dog together. He had pointed out a little bakery, where he said they made her favorite pastries and told her how often they had stopped there for one together. Further along he had pointed out the movie theater, where they had attended dozens of movies together with their group of friends. That comment made Penelope wonder if Aaron had been among the group on movie nights and if she ever managed a seat beside him. If she had, would Aaron have risked a moment of contact between them in the darkened theater?

That thought had made Penelope miss Derek's next landmark, she had only half heard him say "… the pizza is out of this world" to which she smiled broadly at him, hoping he hadn't realized she had stopped listening for a moment. Penelope had tried hard after that to keep her mind focused on the moment and on Derek. This was after all his time with her and she wanted to share it with only him, the way they had agreed, but that proved even harder as the day went on toward evening.

When they had arrived at her place, Derek had been just as attentive as he had at the hospital. He had come around and opened her door, helped her out and held her arm as they had made their way up the steps to her door. Penelope had stood for a moment, staring at the door to her home, willing herself to remember what exactly lay beyond it. When no memories came to the surface, she'd swallowed her disappointment, turned a big smile that she didn't feel toward Derek and lied when told him she was ready to go in.

Derek unlocked her door and stepped back behind her so that Penelope had an unobstructed view of her home as the door swung open before her. Something inside Penelope had hoped that the swinging door would bring with it a flood of memories and it was nearly impossible to contain the disappointment she felt when that did not happen. She tried to smile for Derek's sake as she looked up at his expectant face. It was obvious to Penelope from Derek's expression that he had held out the same hope. The momentary look of disappointment she caught before he was able to cover it almost broke her and she had been forced to turn away from him.

"It's ok Baby Girl", Derek had soothed as he stroked her shoulders from behind. His gentle hands had comforted but the strain in his voice was still evident to her ears, even as he continued to try and ease her mind.

"We just got here, Baby Girl, give yourself time. Memories will come when your mind is ready. Let's go inside and get settled", He had told her.

Placing a hand on the small of her back, Derek had ushered her through the door and into her living room. Color assaulted Penelope's senses from everywhere. No one would ever accuse her of having boring taste, she had thought. Everywhere here home was filled with mementos. Photographs of the few people she'd met, Derek and Aaron among them, and others she did not recognize lined the bright purple walls. Her windows where covered in shiny gold accented currents in a mismatch of patterns that made Penelope momentarily dizzy. Beaded curtains separated the living room from the rooms beyond. Penelope was torn between the urge to explore further and the dread that exploring those rooms would bring no more memories then this one had.

Overwhelmed Penelope had decided to put off the other rooms in favor of taking a seat on the soft, comfy looking couch before her. After depositing her bag in what Penelope had assumed was her bedroom, Derek had taken up the seat beside her.

"Come here, Baby Girl", he'd whispered as he pulled her into his lap and wrapped his arms around her. Penelope had been to overwhelmed to question his proximity to her. She had simply laid her head back against him, closed her eyes and willed herself not to cry. Penelope did not know how long they had sat there in silence, just the two of, holding and being held and finally Derek had spoken.

"You know Baby Girl, this reminds me of the night Emily left for England. The two of us just sat here like this that night too." He had said.

"We did?" Penelope asked, remembering from what J.J. had told her that Emily is very dear to them both.

"Yup, we did, in this very spot in fact." Derek had gone on to tell her the whole story of the night that Emily had left and how they had ending up ordering pizza, watching old movies all night. His story had made Penelope laugh, which she wouldn't have thought herself capable of just a few moments before. That little laugh had somehow made her feel more ready to tackle exploring the rest of her home. She had gotten up from the couch, taken Derek's hand and asked him to "show her around"; which Derek did happily. They explored the rest of her living room, the tiny kitchen with its little dining area and down the hall to her bedroom; Derek taking every opportunity to regal her with another story of a time they'd spent together here. Penelope had listened to every word he'd said, loving the enthusiasm she heard in his stories and trying in her mind to picture the details he gave her.

It wasn't until they were in her bedroom that Penelope thought of Aaron for the first time since being home. She and Derek had been sitting on her bed, looking through her movie collection, Derek pointing out her favorite ones, when she suddenly realized where they were. Looking down at the bedspread she found herself wondering home many times Aaron had been in this room; in this bed with her. Derek continued talking but Penelope had stopped listening as her mind began to picture Aaron here. When she closed her eyes she could see him, stretched out on the bed beside her, the smile on his face making her heart race as the desire to kiss him had flowed over her from out of nowhere.

"Baby Girl?", Derek had said, snapping Penelope out of her fantasy. "What has you smiling so brightly?" he'd asked.

Penelope had stammered some lame response about being happy to be home in her own bed again, hoping Derek wouldn't push it further than that. Thinking on it now made Penelope feel so guilty. Derek had not only bought her corny answer but had seemed genuinely happy that she had relaxed so much about being here. Oh, what would he have thought if he could have read her mind in that moment?

Penelope had decided it was safer to leave the bedroom after that little incident, so she had asked Derek if he was hungry and they had both gone off to explore the contents of her refrigerator. Penelope had hoped that the change of venue would end her thoughts of Aaron but that was far from the case. As she and Derek cleaned out the few items that had spoiled during her time in the hospital, in hopes of finding something edible, she found herself wondering what Aaron would be having for dinner or with everything she had been told about him, if he was even finding the time to stop and eat tonight.

When they had cleaned out the fridge completely Derek announced that he would definitely do some grocery shopping as soon as possible. Penelope had suggested that pizza sounded like the best option though she had no idea what she liked on pizza. Derek had been more than glad to decide for her. Assuring her that she would love it, he'd picked up the phone and ordered a "white spinach" pizza from the place Penelope now knew was the one he'd been telling her about on the drive home earlier. She nodded her head, trusting his choices, all the while wondering what Aaron would have ordered on their pizza.

Though out the night her train of thought continually returned to Aaron. With every story Derek told Penelope found herself wondering if Aaron had been among the group of friends he spoke about or what Aaron would have thought of the movie they chose to watch while eating their pizza and on and on. The more Penelope tried not to think about him, the more Aaron dominated her thoughts. And just when she'd decided that she would work twice as hard to focus on Derek for the rest of the night, Aaron called to say goodnight. Oh well, she had thought, it wasn't as though his call had been unexpected; he had asked permission to call her after all.

Derek had been nearest to her phone when it rang. He had taking one look at the caller id and handed it over to her without a word. Penelope had seen the dark clouds roll into Derek's eyes as she took her phone from his hand.

"Hello" she's answered, trying not to smile so brightly at the sound of Aaron's voice as he answered but Penelope could not help herself. She stepped away from Derek , not wanting to make him uncomfortable but also unwilling to give up the few moments she could have of Aaron's voice in her ears.

Aaron had asked her how it had been coming home and Penelope surprised herself by answering him honestly. She no need to shield Aaron from her feelings or try to put on a brave face for him. She felt certain he would see through any attempt she made at it anyway. Penelope told him how terrible she had felt and how nothing had been the way she'd hoped it would be. To this Aaron had simply said"I'm sorry..." Though Penelope had found herself thinking what he really meant was "I'm sorry I wasn't there with you..."

They had kept the rest of their conversation brief, though neither one of them truly wanted it that way both of them were doing their best to honor the arrangement they'd all agreed on.

They'd talked a few more minutes when Aaron had said "I miss you", the longing in his voice stopping Penelope's heart in its tracks. "I miss you too" she'd replied honestly, hoping she was too far away for Derek to hear her words and feel hurt because of them. What was it about Derek that made her feel this need to protect him so? Penelope wondered.

After she had finished her call Penelope returned to her place beside Derek, who restarted their movie as though nothing had happened, though Penelope could feel a change in the mood between them that didn't lift until long after the movie had ended. Because of this Penelope made a conscious effort to keep her mind on Derek through the rest of their evening.

Penelope succeeded in doing this until after she and Derek had said their goodnights. Derek had made up a place for himself on her couch, and settled in, while Penelope told him she was off to take a hot bath and crawl into bed. Derek had teasingly offered to wash her back for her, which Penelope had just had teasingly declined.

It wasn't until her clawfoot tub was full and she had settled down to soak under a layer of lilac scented bubbles that Aaron came to mind again. As she lay back staring up at the showerhead above her she found herself wondering how many times Aaron had washed himself beneath its spray. Was she at that moment lying where the water had run down his naked body, washing the remnants of their lovemaking from his skin? The thought of it was so arousing Penelope had to bite her lip to stop the moan that threatened to escape her. Her mind conjured the image of Aaron in all his naked glory as he stood there running the bar of soap along his length. Then suddenly the image changed and she imagined herself standing there, soap in hand, cleansing him herself. The idea of it set her ablaze with desire and she had to force herself to get up and leave the tub before she found herself moving her fingers down to ease the aching need she felt. Somehow Penelope doubted anything her fingers could do would satisfy the depth of this need anyway.

Instead she had dried herself and went to her dresser to find something comfortable to sleep in. Opening the drawer her thoughts returned to Aaron as she found herself wondering which nightgown he preferred. She could almost hear the sexy tone of his voice teasing "forget the nightgown Penelope, you won't be wearing it long anyway..."

Determined to get her mind off its current path, Penelope grabbed the frumpiest nightgown she could see and put it on. Climbing into bed, she drew the covers up to her neck and willed herself to think of anything else but it was no use, whatever she tried to think of, all roads lead her back to Aaron. Even when Penelope had finally fallen into an exhausted sleep, Aaron still came to her in her dreams. Because of this, Penelope had awoken in even more desperate need then when she went to sleep. Her body ached for Aaron. Not only that but her mind seemed to be aching for him too. She longed for more than just his touch. Penelope longed for his presence beside her and she was sure Derek would see that the moment she set foot outside of her bedroom. That was why she had been cowering here for so long now, trying to avoid the conversation she knew she must have with him.

****AN - yes i borrowed an idea from the bridges of Madison County, sorry i have always loved the image the shower evoked in that book. Hope you all liked this chapter and found it worth the wait. Don't worry I'm not skipping the Reid/j.j./Aaron conversation but Penelope wasn't witness to it so that will have to be told to her later, maybe next chapter. ... ******


	24. Girl Talk

Penelope finally dragged herself out of bed, showered and dressed and left her room an hour later determined to talk to Derek about what she was feeling. She cared for him, that much was obvious to her, even without a single true memory of time they had spent together before her fall. She worried too much about his feelings for her not to believe he was important to her. But every moment she was becoming sure that Aaron was more important. Well, maybe she should just say he was important in a different way? More important sounded so harsh, she would have to be sure to choose her words more carefully when she was actually speaking to Derek, she thought.

When she reached her kitchen, she realized any talk with Derek would have to wait.

"Good morning, sleepyhead", J.J. chirped at her from her kitchen table.

"Good morning J.J. Not that I mind, but, what are you doing here?" Penelope asked.

"Derek called me. He wanted to run out and get a bunch of groceries and things but, he didn't want to leave you alone and since Henry is in preschool anyway, he thought maybe we could visit for a while", J.J. explained.

"Oh, I wish he had said something. I really kind of wanted to go to the store today." Penelope said.

"Well, I think he was just worried you weren't feeling up to it. Derek has a very protective nature, you know?" J.J. told her.

"Yeah", Penelope said with a laugh, "I've kind of noticed that."

"It must be kind of awkward, being here with him; given the situation." J.J. said.

"No", Penelope told her, "I don't honestly remember Derek but I feel comfortable around him."

"Oh", J.J. said, "I wasn't talking about the amnesia, I meant given the fact that he wants to marry you but you've been secretly seeing Aaron this whole time." The smile on J.J.'s face and the tone of her voice told Penelope she was more amused by this juicy little secret than anything else.

"Derek told you that?" Penelope exclaimed.

"Well, really it was Aaron who told Reid and me but only after or because we witnessed he and Derek come to blows over you in the hospital yesterday morning." J.J. explained.

"They what?!" Penelope asked dumbfounded. "Aaron said they had been 'discussing' me which I kind of thought meant they were fighting but I didn't know it was a fist fight."

"Really, it wasn't much of a fist fight. Derek was upset, he said something crass, Aaron warned him to watch himself, Derek made a move toward him and so Aaron was forced to restrain him." J.J. told her.

"What did Derek say to him?" Penelope asked.

"Nothing that bears repeating; he was upset. But let's just say he let the cat out of the bag about you and Aaron. Really Penelope, you and Aaron, I had no idea. We've talked so many times about everything and you never once let on, and no offense girl but you never have been very good at keeping secrets. Or so I thought…"

"Aaron told me how much I struggled with keeping secrets." Penelope said, interrupting her. "But, he's our superior, J.J. Anything I told you would have made you complicit if we were found out. We were both risking our positions. If you are truly my best friend and I love you, how could I have endangered yours too?"

"I never would have said anything; I never will say anything", J.J. assured her.

"I don't think it matters now, J.J. I mean you said Reid knows too and…"

"Reid would never betray you or Aaron." J.J. interrupted.

"I'm sure he would never mean too but…" Penelope began.

"No", J.J. insisted, interrupting again. "You don't understand. There's something you don't know Penny, I mean at the moment there's a lot you don't know but…." J.J. Hesitated, wondering how to word what had happened to Maeve. Penelope had lost her memories of the violence and evil that they were often times witness too. She didn't need the details, J.J. decided.

Beginning again J.J. said. "A few months ago Reid lost someone close to him. The women he loved died unexpectedly. Reid was and maybe still is in some way devastated by her loss. It's made him fiercely protective of all of us. Beyond that it's made him protective of relationships, his with all of us and all of us with each other for that matter. I mean he keeps doing little things, like volunteering to take Henry so Will and I can have time together to 'develop and strengthen the bonds of our love'….. He actually said that to me I swear….. Yes, of course, he was a little shocked finding out about the two of you. I mean I was a lot shocked so I guess that's expected right? I mean we are profilers, it's our job not to miss stuff and here we find out that we've been missing stuff…. Big stuff… for years. I mean, it makes you doubt your ability, you know?"

Penelope nodded. J.J. just shook her head. Penelope could tell she was still struggling to wrap her mind around everything Aaron must have confessed to her.

"Beyond the initial shock, I would say that given Reid's current state of mind; I don't think there is anything on earth that would make him betray the two of you", J.J concluded.

"Ok, J.J. given what you've said I believe Reid would keep our secret but I doubt they'll be a need to anymore since Derek also knows and if it's true that he was upset before I don't think he's going to be any happier after I we talk today. "

"Why?" J.J. asked.

"Because he says he loves me and he wants to marry me and I think, no I know, I want to be with Aaron…" Penelope hesitated a moment before continuing, "I mean, I can't remember every detail of our time together and I have no idea what the future holds for us but he's the only person I have any memories of at all and I feel so connected to him. Derek keeps trying to get me back to where I was before the fall but right now I'm not even worrying about getting back the memories I've lost. I just want to move forward and everything inside me says that moving forward with Aaron is right. Does that make any sense?" Penelope asked.

"Yes, of course", J.J. said "But, if you believe Derek when he says he loves you then you can't believe he would do anything to undermine your happiness if it is with another man."

"Who can say what a man, even a good man will do when he feels betrayed?" Penelope asked.

"Is that what you think Penelope? Do you think you've betrayed Derek in some way?" J.J. asked

"I don't know, J.J. I mean I know he and I weren't sleeping together but there must have been something more than friendship between us. Why else would he have asked me to marry him the first moment after I woke up? How could I have let him believe we had something while I was seeing Aaron?" Penelope asked close to tears now.

"Penelope, there are more than a few things you are confused about, sweetie." J.J. told her. "Sit down here with me and let me tell you what I know and let's see if we can't figure this out ok?"

"Ok", Penelope whispered, sitting down at the table with J.J.

"Ok", J.J. began, "first of all, you weren't seeing Aaron when you fell."

"What? Aaron told me we hadn't broken up and what I feel for him…. It feels…. fresh" Penelope said.

"Let me tell you what Aaron told Reid and I, ok?" J.J. asked.

Penelope nodded.

"Aaron said that after Hailey was killed, when he was struggling most, you showed him how to feel something besides pain again. He said that what the two of you shared meant more to him than anything in his life ever had. He told us that he was in love with you even then but he was too afraid to risk what you had to try reaching for something more so he settled for what he could have with you." J.J. told her.

"He said that?" Penelope asked.

J.J. nodded. "I've never seen Aaron like that Penelope, he just laid himself bare for Reid and I, no hesitation, and he just told us everything he felt. He told us how much he hated the times when you were apart. He even admitted that he only began seeing Beth because he hoped to get a reaction out of you, maybe make you realize how much you two had to lose. .."

"Beth?" Penelope asked softly.

"You didn't know Aaron had been dating someone else recently?" J.J. asked.

Penelope shook her head.

"Well, they broke up now, and from what Aaron said, he knew it was a mistake from the start, he told us he knew it was useless to try and be with anyone but you."

"I didn't know there was someone else", Penelope said "but, it's not like Aaron lied to me and said there was no one else, he just didn't offer the information. Still, I don't know how I feel about that" Penelope said honestly.

"Well before you decide how you feel about that, maybe we should talk about this idea you have about Derek 'believing you two had something'" J.J. paused. It seemed to Penelope that she was trying hard to chose her words carefully now.

"Penelope, Derek loves you, of that I have no doubt but ..." J.J. paused again "you may not have shared details about your relationship with Aaron with me but I know you would have told me if Derek had made some kind of romantic move in your direction" J. J. assured her.

"Ok, so then I don't understand, if he didn't want to marry me before the fall, why on earth would he suddenly ask me now?" Penelope asked.

"Penelope in the 10 years I have known Derek Morgan, your friendship is the longest relationship of any kind that he has had with a women. I mean I can't remember a time when Derek didn't have a lady in his life but none of them ever lasted more than a little while. Derek hasn't confided his reasoning in me so I can't can only speculate why he asked you to be his wife but maybe it was seeing you hurt or finding out about Aaron .." J.J. paused, allowing Penelope a chance to comment.

"So what your saying is that Derek is like a little boy standing in a toy store, and he knows he has the means to take home any toy in the whole place but he's in no hurry because they're all there for him to touch and try out before he decides which one is just right. But then suddenly, another boy comes into the store and picks up a toy and maybe it's one he's overlooked or just hasn't had a chance to play with yet but when he sees this other boy start to leave with this toy, well then it's suddenly the best and most important toy in the whole store and the only one that could ever really make him happy so….. _what? ...He decides he has to have it_..?" Penelope says.

"I'm not sure I'd go so far as to say it like that, Penelope, Derek loves you, of that I have no doubt but it may have taken seeing that he was losing you to shake him out of…..." J.J. paused.

At that moment they heard the key turn in the front door lock and looked to see Derek enter carrying several large bags of groceries. The rest of this conversation would have to wait for another time.

****A.N. I had absolutely intended to make this another 1,000 words or so but this just felt like the perfect place to end this chapter. More to come very soon. Thank you for all the reviews. Special thanks to **_handsome-uks_** and **_Shari Skye_**, without whom I would be totally unable to go on :)


	25. Derek's heart to heart

J.J. left not long after the over-abundance of groceries had been put away, whispering to Penelope that they would finish their 'Girl Talk" later. Left alone with Derek, Penelope felt awkward with him for the first time in recent memory. Granted all of her memories were recent but ….

What was worse though, was that Penelope was sure he could tell something wasn't right but neither one of them could bring themselves to mention it. Instead, they danced around each other, talking about his trip to the grocery store, the weather outside, anything but the thing that really needed to be discussed. By dinnertime, Penelope could feel the tension in the air around them. Derek suggested they fix some pasta he had bought for them, which Penelope agreed to, though she really had no desire to eat.

Derek insisted that Penelope rest while he made the pasta for them, which was sweet she supposed but, it really only made matters worse for her. While Derek sauntered around her kitchen making a lovely little meal for them, all Penelope could think about was how to break his heart, which made her feel like the worst person on earth and did little to improve her appetite. By the time Derek served their meal, though it looked absolutely delicious, Penelope doubted she'd be able to eat a single bite.

Penelope felt so conflicted. She was certain about her desire to spend more time exploring the connection she felt with Aaron. Yes, she had questions for him, questions about Beth mostly, but even those questions didn't diminish her desire to spend time with him. Being with Aaron, even in the limited moments they had shared made her feel strong. Derek on the other hand, made her feel protected. In Derek's presence, she always seemed to defer to his way; feeling that he would handle everything for her. That was the main difference between them she realized. With Aaron, feeling protected didn't seem necessary, with Aaron she felt a confidence and strength she never seemed to find around Derek.

The conflicting part for Penelope was that as protected as Derek made her feel, that was how protective she felt of him in return. Even the thought of him as a little boy clinging to her like a toy he just didn't want to share did not make her angry; it made her sad for him. She could see the good man inside him. Though she had no concrete memory of him, his every action toward her told her that inside he was gentle and kind. Her every instinct was to shield him from pain, so how on earth could she ever be the cause of it?

Penelope tried her best to hide her thoughts but half way through the meal she had done little more than push the food around on her plate, trying to make it look like she'd eaten something. That was when Derek reached across the table and gently touched her wrist.

"You wanna tell me what's going on, Baby Girl?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" Penelope replied, trying to feign ignorance. She didn't know why, given that she had been looking for an opening to 'Talk' to Derek all night. But now, faced with the moment, again she found herself trying to run away.

"I mean, you haven't touched your food, though you've barely looked up from your plate through this whole meal. And your quiet, which, I don't know if you know this or not but, Baby Girl, quiet isn't usually one of your strengths", Derek explained with a smile.

Just watching him smile at her made Penelope want to cry. She opened her mouth to tell him that when her cell phone rang on the counter behind him, buying Penelope a bit more time. Derek swiveled around and lifted her phone off the counter. The look on his face when he turned back to her told her immediately who was calling. Taking her hand Derek placed her phone in her palm and closed her fingers around it as he got up from the table. Penelope heard him take a few steps into the living room before she answered.

"Hello" Penelope said, truly smiling for the first time in hours.

"Hello Beautiful", she heard Aaron reply, the sound of his voice bringing an even bigger smile to her face.

When Penelope didn't immediately say anything further, Aaron asked, "How are you tonight?"

Penelope took a breath. "Truth?" she asked.

"Always", he replied.

"At the moment, I'm feeling kind of shaky. Not physically shaky," she quickly added. "I mean, physically I'm fine, but emotionally I'm shaky and I really wish you were standing here, live and in person, so that maybe I wouldn't feel so alone… I mean Derek is here and he's wonderful of course but, I have so many thoughts running around in my head and I don't know how to share them with him, not…"

"Not the way you talk to me", Aaron replied, seeming to know instinctively what she meant.

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From his place in the living room Derek heard Penelope's words and turned away. Entering Penelope's guest room he closed the door and sank down onto the bed. Not hearing the rest of what was said between Aaron and his Baby Girl.

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"Not as easily as I talk to you," Penelope corrected Aaron. "I don't know how it was before the fall but everything that I remember until between Derek and I has always felt comfortable, that is up till yesterday afternoon" Penelope explained.

"What happened yesterday afternoon?" Aaron asked. Penelope could hear a bit of stress in his voice, as though he were imagining all the things that could have happened to make Penelope suddenly feel less than comfortable with Derek.

"You", Penelope said.

"What?" Aaron asked, not understanding what she could mean.

"You happened, Aaron. Everything that was said, everything that was done, every moment I tried to share with Derek kept brining my mind back to you. I felt unfaithful somehow…" she explained.

"Unfaithful to whom?" Aaron asked, his voice sounded almost afraid of her answer.

"That's the worst part, I didn't even know, not until right now. I mean, at first I thought, 'I'm with Derek, I should be focused on Derek, right?' Then I thought, 'Aaron and I have something special, how can I be focusing on Derek?' I was making myself sick trying to figure out who to be true to; when really the only person I was being unfaithful to was me. I was fighting myself, trying to focus only on what I "should" be feeling, instead of letting myself feel everything. I mean, how else am I going to figure this thing out, right?" she asked.

"You're right", Aaron said.

"I know I am", Penelope teased.

Aaron laughed. Penelope could almost hear the relief wash over him.

"So what time are you and Jack coming tomorrow?" Penelope asked, feeling better than she had all day.

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Derek didn't know how long he had been sitting there, head in his hands, replaying every moment of the last few days.

"Feel so alone….." Penelope's words rang in Derek's ears. 'I'm right here, Baby Girl… but I guess I'm not enough,' he thought.

Opening his cell phone, Derek dialed the first number that came to mind. Three rings later, her sweet voice greeted him, "Hello?"

"Mama", Derek said, unable to even add 'Hello.'

"What is it, My Boy?" She asked.

"I messed up, Mama….."

"How Baby?" his mama asked him.

Derek had not called his mother after Penelope's fall. He had been so thrown by everything that had happened that night; he hadn't been able to face explaining it all to her. When they had spoken after Penelope had woken up, he had told her Penelope had been hurt but not gone into all the details. He had even refused when she said she'd be on the next train to D.C. to help him take care of her. He tried to tell himself he didn't want to put her out but now with her on the line and everything swirling around in his head, he realized the truth was that he had been far too embarrassed to let his mother see the mess he'd created.

"I don't know how many times you've said to me, 'Someday Son, somebody's going to snatch up a fine girl like her, and then where will you be?' Derek paused, taking a deep breath before pushing the next words out, "I'm in Hell Mama, that's where I am, I'm in Hell and what's worse is that it's one that I created for myself." Derek explained. His voice was breaking near the end. It was all his Mama could do not to cry for him.

"I take it Penelope has a man in her life?"

"Yes", Derek said more sharply than he had intended.

"There have been men in Penelope's life before Derek, but you think this one is serious. What makes him different?" she asked.

Derek said nothing for a long moment, then, admitting the truth to himself as well as to her he answered, "This one is actually worthy of a women like her, Mama."

"I see. I take it you know him well?

"It's Aaron Hotchner, Mama" Derek told her.

"Oh, then I understand that this could be hard for you, given how much you respect him, Derek." Fran couldn't count the number of stories her son had told her about his boss, Aaron Hotchner. She knew that somewhere inside him, Derek was struggling to reconcile the man he'd looked up to for so long with the man who was 'stealing' his Baby Girl. Fran knew that if Derek was going to get through this, she was going to have to make him face his fears.

"Does he make her happy?" she asked him.

"Penelope seems to think so", Derek told her.

"Do you still think of her as your best friend, Derek?"

"Yes, Mama, of course."

"Knowing Aaron the way you do; do you think he would do something to end your friendship with her?"

"If I were him….."Derek began.

"That's not what I asked you, Son. Do you think Aaron would actively try to end your friendship with her?"

"No, Mama, I don't think so."

"Do you think you're man enough to still be her best friend, even while she falls in love with someone else?

"I…." Derek hesitated, "YES, mama, Yes, I can do that" Derek answered firmly.

"Then what you need to ask yourself here Derek is, 'what would Penelope's best friend do in this situation'?"

****A.N. sorry for the long delay, writer's block and illness have slowed me down lately. Thank you to my unofficial Beta readers who helped me get through both. I hope you all found this chapter to be worth the wait. love you for sticking with me!****


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